ok, my first blog! i haven’t written yet as internet is a very difficult thing to come by at my house…but here i go.
i feel i’ve got sooo much to write as it’s been so long since we started the process!
i love the play so much, and i’m honestly really grabbed by almost every character, though i have special connections with a few.
i really like what we’ve been doing most days in class, especially when we’re actually exploring the play together, like looking at specific scenes, or the character’s life day-to-day.
One problem i’ve personally been having however, is i worry that i’m really starting to make discoveries and fall in love with characters…but they’re not even my character yet! And may never be!
The major example is Evelyn, i feel i’m really falling in love with her, and it’s a bit weird to step into her, explore her and then have that reality check of “hang on, i may never actually get to follow this through”…..it’s also a bit jarring seeing other people in the space being the same character.
i almost wish we’d not explored the characters so much, but i understand that it’ll help so much in the long run.
I absolutely loved the exercise we did yesterday where we would just do a simple activity, then spend a day in the life of our favourite character. I found so much….it was a really simple, but really fulfilling exercise. I couldn’t believe all the things i found washing over me, and it was a bit unique for me, because i felt like i was really in the moment, feeling very much everything true with what i’ve found out about Evelyn at this stage, but at the same time, i could think as “Hannah” and realise that i was making a lot of discoveries. It was also really great to remember everything afterwards, and recall all the memories i had floating in my head, that all belonged to Evelyn.
i also loved exploring scenes. It really feels like we’re getting back into the basics of why we’re here, and why we’re doing this crazy passion of ours….
i can’t wait to be cast….i really love all the characters, but will be a bit heartbreaking not being able to use the discoveries we’ve already made.
!!!
Well…i’ve been finding class really interesting since we’ve been cast, and i’m really enjoying most of it.
I’m personally one of those actors who LOVE getting together and just discussing everything, mainly because people say things i really have never considered. Today was the second (oh god, is it third?) time we’ve read the play since being cast and we’ve been stopping often to talk about motivations and moments before and things like that. NOrmally (eg…country’s good perhaps…) I don’t really like discussing a play in such detail so early on, as i feel like it’s too early to make “decisions” about things, as it’s such a early time in the process, we’re all still getting to know our characters and we don’t want any judgement passed on them. HOwever, i’m really loving discussing the play itself and things in the time line. I feel like when we all get together and try and figure out when things happened, it’s good because it helps us all be on the same page.
ONe thing i’ve been having issues with, and it’s tough because i’m really worried that i might have been doing it myself occassionally, is making judgements on other people’s characters. I feel like we’re all throwing things in about any topic, but it always ends up as talking about the characters, which is really interesting and i like it, but i don’t know how it really works for everyone. If Nelly was a character that was spoken about as much as say Robert or Mary, i would probably feel a little obligated to go with other people’s ideas. Not because i didn’t like my own, more just beceause i’d worry that was “right”.
i’m probably explaining this terribly, but maybe because it’s all a bit mixed in my head at this stage. I guess i just worry sometimes when we have those big group discussions that we’re talking about people’s characters, and those people might not want to hear what everyone has to say so early on……it’s just about how they and the director’s feel at the end of the day.
but i’m loving everything we’re discovering about the community and eldritch. IT’s starting to become real, which is always nice.
I have sooo many Nelly questions to figure out, mostly things like, what her life was like before she bought the mill, why she never got married or anything and how she afforded the mill….things like that.
I guess it’s overwelming for everyone. Good sign, means complicated characters….good old eldritch.
If people don’t want to hear what others have to say about ‘their’ characters, they’re in the wrong groove. No character in a play is isolated from nor immune from any other character or actor’s ideas. I think this is the ‘reality fallacy’ i.e., that characters are creations that need to be protected or something against tainting by others. Fact is, they are narrative elements … figures rather than ‘people’ which only make sense when they are seen relative to the others in the play. And of course they are going to change as the days go by in rehearsals and things start morphing. Good comment!!
okay….my first rehearsal with Bernadette (and first rehearsal on a scene) last week.
Crystal and I were really excited to finally start rehearsing as neither of us had been in yet. I’ve been having a lot of trouble trying to figure out Nelly’s history! if she’s around the fifty mark, that’s A LOT of years to fill in (listen to my young self…).
I found this a little scary as i really want to get it right, but also realistic for the times. i went in with some pretty modern ideas, so it was really good to chat to Bernadette about a more realistic approach to how those years would have been spent between finishing school and when the play begins.
I realise i have a lot more research to do about what life was like for single women in those times. As it’s quite clear Nelly’s not, and has never been (i think) married, it’s interesting to think about how her years filled up, and how that contributes to her resentment towards Mary.
I really REALLY enjoyed this rehearsal. I’ve never worked with Bernadette as a director, so i didn’t know what to expect, and it was really fun. One thing i really have to get over though, is my resentment towards being “on book.” i really let it get to me, and i think i maybe even use it as an excuse when i know i’m doing a bad job. It’s easy to blame the fact that you’ve got to keep looking down, and breaking the connection with your partner. Very frustrating stuff, i’m looking forward to getting organised and LEARNING my freeking lines!
Bernadette was great with her honesty too…one thing i’ve been missing is getting honesty from the lecturers, and having them be harsh. it was good to have Bernadette say “no hannah, you’re stepping out of the scene” and it really made me step up, which i liked. i felt pushed and i hope i came out improved, because i felt like i did.
(wow, that was really badly written….)
It’ll be good to work with Kate on some scenes in Act 2….getting the different perspectives of different directors….
good experience i believe….good experience…yes indeed….muchly
Over the holidays i’m just going to learn my lines (no “on book” excuses) and get comfortable with playing age…i’m definately going to hit up some persona-ing….which i love, and get Nelly’s history figured out!
Hi Hannah. Nice to read your notes. I know what you mean about ‘no book’. I never feel I am really clicking with that thing in my hands. Great to lose it and walk the tightrope of invention and creativity.
okay, 2nd rehearsal with bern, and also group rehearsals with kate on MOnday of hols.
i actually felt no bitterness about coming back early, i think we all realise that time’s getting on, and we really need to start putting everything together.
BErnadette worked on the first NElly/Mary scene again, which i was happy about, because i feel like that scene has limitless possibilites, but at this stage i’m still keeping it a bit resticted, not just because of being on book, but also because i’m not quite tapped into Nelly yet. i feel almost overwelmed honestly by this character. Just backtracking slightly (and maybe getting a little too deep) but i think i’ve made a real, genuine and kind of scary realisation about myself as an actor. What’s happening to me with NElly, is exactly what happened with two of my previous characters here at drama school. When i played Duckling in “our country’s good” and the waterbug in “ugly duckling”, i did exactly the same thing i’m doing now with Nelly. It’s kind of hard to explain, but all of these characters scared me and made me feel really challenged (obviously a good thing!)
When it came to the WAterbug, at first i felt really confident, and then as i started delving into the scenes i realised that it was actually a major challenge (lots of freeking clowning involved!!), i then hit a massive wall where i thought it would never go right, and then finally, i had one rehearsal where it just completely broke through! And every show after that it was exactly the same, and i was happy.
Exactly that happened with Duckling. I felt really excited about playing her, but after doing some research and character work, i started really freaking out about her. SHe was so complex and felt things i thought i could only imagine. BUt there was one rehearsal where it just completely broke through! And after that it was the same every day.
I’m at this stage with Nelly at the moment where she’s just really scaring me. HOnestly, when i first got that character, i just felt quite confident. I felt i could tap into her quite easily as i can relate to her situation a little too easily. BUt now that i’m actually digging my heels in and getting stuck into her, i realise that this character just has infinate possibilities and it really scares me. I’m looking forward to that moment in rehearsal when it just breaks through. i feel really confident that it’ll happen
MOnday’s rehearsal with Bern (now that i’ve gone on for ever about other stuff!) went really well. BUt like i’ve said, i did feel that wall blocking me. I think i’m still playing her a bit young…..
I have that really stupid moment occassionally in rehearsals when i realise that i’m not truly connected, which annoys me, because i want to be passed that by this stage! (Especially as we have no third year now….bitter still)
The next bit we covered i really enjoyed. we worked on that snippet when Mary speaks about her bad dream and Nelly is telling her to go back to sleep. We did it two completely different ways. THe first was just really beautiful and nuturing, to show some light and shade in their relationship. I really loved this and felt really connected at that stage. THen bernadette did the thing we love and said “okay, now do it completely the opposite!”
That was great, getting back into that good, old fashioned “acting” stuff! We completely flipped it! And oddly enough, it worked too.
i wasn’t expecting that, but Bernadette ended up saying we’d decide later which way to play it.
it was really fun realising that things don’t have to be decided immediately. And you really can decide when you know what’s going to serve the story better. AT this stage i genuinely have no idea which way would serve the characters or the story better.
The light and beautiful way shows that Mary and Nelly’s relationship has depth and love in it, and also gives the audience a bit more of a mystery as they get to see Nelly in this “loving” moment, which increases the confusion of how she’s on trial.
However, doing it as the more dismissive, and frustrated Nelly, also worked well because we really can get the sense that poor old Nelly has this kind of stuff happen ALL the time and we can think more about Martha saying “the life that woman leads…”
It seems to just layer the frustration more and give more of a sense of how much of a burden mary truly is.
Looking forward to rehearsals tomorrow. Meeting Laurel at 9 to work on Nelly and Mavis’ scene (PLUG!) So that’ll be good, as that’s an interesting scene.
better go to sleep then…..it may or may not be midnight…..
A lot happened in the last week! I’ve had two seperate rehearsals with Laurel, doing work with Crystal at home and have also worked with Kate for the first time properly.
I also have been op-shopping and found a pair of shoes, and a skirt that i think are PERFECT for Nelly, i may have to paint the shoes black, as i don’t think they’re important enough to be my one item….
I feel a step closer to truly finding her now, still feel not quite there…
Last night was our 7-9 rehearsal with kate, which i REALLY enjoyed! i don’t know if it was having less people in the room, or what we were working on specifically, but there was just a really good vibe in the air, and i really enjoyed the rehearsal.
We worked on the Nelly/Mavis scene for the first time, and it went smoother than i anticipated. laurel and i had been working on it, but only doing activities and discussing the scene, nothing major. I really liked Kate’s imput and i liked the way she encouraged us to just go with our impulses and remember that this is still “rehearsal”.
it’s always a bit overwhelming working on a scene with not much time, because there’s sooo much to find. I’m looking forward to getting stuck into it again soon and finding even more.
kate also introduced this great new tense energy, that we’d played with before, but hadn’t actually encorporated as much. It worked really well! It helped drive home the actual purpose of the scene, as apposed to just “talking in the street…”
I’m still struggling with Nelly’s age, which i really had hoped to have cracked by now. I don’t think it’s a major problem yet, i still feel confident it’ll come, but it’s frustrating as i don’t yet feel i’m serving the scenes to the best of my ability. I do feel like a 19 year old walking differently, i don’t feel 50 yet.
Last night i really did try to just put that problem on the shelf for now, and focus on serving the scene and letting the feelings come, without feeling frustrated about physicalisation.
I think my costume props will help too!
Overall, i’m having fun and being challenged. But i do hope that we look at all the scenes in a bit more detail before production week.
I feel i still have a lot of work to do, but am confident i’ll get it done! That plus eight thousand scriptwriting assignments…woot.
I don’t know whether it’s possible to ‘feel’ 50 when you are 19 in a way that is meaningful for acting purposes. What you can do is body-mask, and attempt a parallel or substitution situation to enable an attitude appropriate for this particular 50 year old Nelly.
Continue working on exterior actions for now. This will really help I feel sure.
honestly i haven’t really felt very motivated to blog recently because i only want to write constructive things about my process, but i’m finding that harder and harder to do.
This week, i don’t feel i’ve had much positive stuff to blog about, really i’m just feeling really worried about whether or not we’ll even have a show to put on!
I’ve really done my best in this show, as i know a lot of people in the ensemble have, but this is definately the kind of show where even if there is ONE mistake, or ONE person who stuffs up, it just screws up the entire thing. I feel like it almost doesn’t matter how much work i do, because if every single other person in the ensemble doesnt’ do all their work too, it just won’t show
Kate gave us some harsh, much needed words on Friday at our reherasal. It made me feel terrible though, and for the rest of the day i tried to just focus, and get into the right frame of mind, but it was really hard when cast members would then just PROVE what kate had said!! after getting that speech, you’d think people would want to deliver their “a” game, and show Kate that we were worth it, but we didn’t. Instead, people were slow, unfocused, didn’t know their lines and it was really upsetting.
I’m not angry at any people, i’m just angry at the situation. And i pray that we can pull it out!
In terms of my personal process, i feel ok. I know there’s always more to find, but at this stage, when the show/ensemble is in such a state as it is, i think there’s not a lot i can do. I think i’m still stressing Personal Pronouns….and i want to work a little more on playing the helplessness in Nelly, less than the anger. However, one thing the playwright tells us about Nelly is that she’s a “strong” woman, so i’m really trying to keep a hold of that. I don’t think he’d write that in her description if it wasn’t important.
Tomorrow is our cast rehearsal without a director or any sm’s….so that’ll be interesting! I’m just hoping we can salvage some kind of reputation as being a “workable” cast!
One other thing i’m a bit worried about are the amount of times we’re working on scenes…..One of my scenes with Mavis, has only been looked at very briefly, and i’m just worried that if it doesn’t end up translating, i won’t know what the problems are.
Laurel and I have done a lot of outside rehearsal, but there’s only so much you can do without direction. The direction we’ve had so far is good, but it was so brief. I just hope the scene is ready. As an actor, how do you know when you’re ready?
There is another thing that’s been on my mind a bit, and i don’t really know how to word it…..here goes…
i don’t feel like we’re being given any “acting” notes. Isn’t that why we’re here? To learn acting? I feel like there are some moments in the play that REALLY need work, and they’re never mentioned in notes.
I COMPELTELY trust kate and bernadette, and if they’re not mentioning it, maybe it’s fine….but i just worry that I can be trying my best, and doing what i think is right, but then when the shows over, be told that i wasn’t up to scratch. And if my director never gave me any Acting notes, how was i ever meant to know??? Don’t get me wrong, i ‘m not expecting to be given personal notes or anything, i just mean that this is a learning process…..and how do we know when we’re getting it right?
I know that happened to a few people in Our Country’s Good…the entire process they were fine, never given notes, and then right at the end when marks came out, they were very disappointed. So is no news good news????
arghhh….anyway….hoping things improve!
Matt and I handed out HEAPS of fliers and posters on Saturday, which went really well. We got some really good responses from people, so hopefully picked up some audience members!
It was hilarious, we had to keep running back into the copy place to get more photocopies, which is a good sign. People were interested!
Hi Hannah. Good to get some reflection off your chest. I will be speaking further to the matter at this afternoon’s rehearsal.
Now you have me puzzled as to ‘no acting notes.’ I wonder what you mean by this? There are at least 2 comments by me (above) which are notes relating to the process of acting. I know I have given these in coaching on the floor. I wonder whether they are recognised as such? Any note is an acting note in rehearsal, surely? Now I’m going to throw the ball back to you. One thing a director (this director) likes is to have an actor say something like this: I am going to try to make Nelly really strong today. Can you watch out for how I am doing? or I want to focus on my diction today as a result of that note you gave me the other day. Can you watch out for that? In this way, the director is put on notice to give the actor the note she wants!
Oh and another thing … if you don’t get a note, it means you are on the right track and the director wants to leave you alone to progress this line of action. Sometimes making an actor self-conscious by saying ‘I think that moment when you ….. (fill in observation) is terrific.’ It can often make the actor block any further development, or worse still, try to reproduce. Having said that, I do agree that members of any cast deserve to be told if something needs to be fixed.
hey kate, thanks a lot for that. I do understand about all notes being acting notes, sometimes i just worry that i wouldn’t be told if i was completely off track, or making a choice that wasn’t very strong. We also had some weird situations with Our Country’s Good where the entire process went very smoothly and actors got no notes, and then at the end of the process were given very average results…..i just wanted to be clear how to avoid this, by making sure that this will be different, and we’ll be told if something’s not going well!
It’s very difficult to exactly articulate what i mean…..i hope this makes some kind of sense!
I haven’t been able to log on for a while as our internet is down, so a lot’s happened since i wrote that, and i’m glad to say i’ve been getting LOTS of notes lol!
discovered a lot of things about myself as an actor, which is exciting. My hand-tension, as i’ve called it, is something that is suprisingly difficult to shake! I spent a lot of time last night doing various exercises (ie - while i was making dinner, walking to the shops, getting ready for bed) running my lines in the Nelly-Mavis scene but i just found myself unable to shake the habbit! Only when my hands were busy doing other things was it not really a problem. Now i just have to capture that in the context of the scene.
It’s very difficult especially because i do want Nelly to have that “on-edge”, tense feel about her, as she’s a repressed woman who’s got a lot on her shoulders, and on top of that, she’s ALWAYS in uncomfortable or tense situations! So i have a major challenge ahead of me, i just hope i can get it right!
Task: the CHARACTER is tense, not the ACTOR…
I also felt very shocked yesterday to discover how many lines i’ve been paraphrasing!! Not a good thing at all, and really un-like me!
All is fixed now though!! I worry that the work I’m doing isn’t coming across.
I’m going to experiment by extending my warm up and focusing less on getting into Nelly’s emotion, and more on technical things. Working my articulation for longer, stretching for longer….so i can get rid of these problems!
This has been a really interesting process for me. it’s always good to discover things about yourself, and find things to work on.
I’m also going to try and just RELAX….and ENJOY myself. A previous acting teacher i’ve had, said that no matter what you’re doing, even if you’re on trial for murder, you should still be having FUN! and enjoying what you’re doing. And giving absolutely everything.
I don’t know if it’s a result of our ensemble, or how the rehearsal process has been going, but i don’t feel like i’ve really given this everything in the space, i still feel a bit held back, which is completely my own fault.
today (after IHTD) i’m really going to try and just enjoy every second of being Nelly, and stop worrying about everything.
Acting hint. Give your character something to do with her hands … a personal prop. What about a handkerchief? Simple, appropriate … yet can assist with the physical tension and can also act as an extension of the character’s relationship to situation.
Thanks kate! I actually thought about something like that. Like, possibly also having groceries, or yes, a handkerchief.
Now it sounds so ridiculous in my head, but i originally though ‘oh, is that cheating??”
I’ll look into it!
Quite a bit’s happened for for me personally in the last few days.
We’ve had A LOT of rehearsals, costume runs, tech runs and a day off! yay!
Lately i’ve been feeling (and i’m fairly sure i’m not alone) a little disheartened by the process and the way it’s been going. Over the last week or so it’s been getting harder and harder to get out of bed and come to try and give everything to this project.
As a result of this, there have been days where i fear i’m really not giving everything, which i completely hate, and therefore it’s been really piling up on me. No suprises in that on those days, i got the most notes, and i’m sure kate and bernadette could tell i wasn’t wholey connected.
However on Saturday (the third) something changed. We came in for rehearsals at 5:30 to start the note session. And as usual i was getting quite a few notes about tension and other things….and inside i just felt myself getting really upset and worked up, becuase i KNEW that i wasn’t giving everything i could give, and i hate that feeling! I hate knowing that i wasn’t completely leaving everything at the door, and was letting my feelings affect my connection to Nelly.
The last week or so had just made me feel so lost with this character, and had me doubting whether or not i could even do it!
Whilst sitting there i decided that i would just go and talk to kate or bernadette and just ask for some advice, or at least let them know that i was feeling this way.
Oh, did that go a bit embarassing!!
By the time i got the courage to actually approach them, i just started crying! Oh-my-gosh…what an idiot!
i completely lost control, it was ridiculous! I believe the only words i got out were “i just feel so lost…” and then pretty sure that was the last thing co-herent that came out of my mouth.
It’s not all bad though, because i came away from the whole thing feeling so much better. Both Kate and bernadette helped, and made me not feel so embarassed.
one thing bernadette said particularly ressonated with me, she said “look at you right now hannah, you’re in a highly emotional state, and yet you’re calm, you’re not tense and you’re in control”
this just really helped. I realised that of course, i don’t need that tension to show dispair, or to show frustration, or pain.
yay…progress….
kate also said to just go and get some fresh air, take some deep breaths before going to warm up.
i’m glad i did this too, because i just went and let out what i needed to let out and then by the time i was getting ready to go, i felt like i had all this amazing emotion and a clear head, just bubbling around inside me, and i was actually looking forward to giving Nelly what she deserved.
I think that Saturday was my favourite rehearsal, because i just let go and didn’t THINK!!
I’m really glad i went with my impulses and was honest with Kate and Bernadette. it was all worth it, just for that feeling of actually experiencing Nelly for the entire play! Before when i’ve found her, it’s only been in moments, and now i’ve finally had that experience for the whole duration of being on stage!
Our rehearsal the next day went fairly well too, i don’t think i matched the day before, but that’s ok…
the point is i now know where i CAN go……good feeling!
Hoping that i’m over my little depressive patch! I feel a new willingness and passion to tell this story!
it’s been an important few days.And the day off yesterday was sooo good! I worked on some other things besides Eldritch….sonnets, scriptwriting….just trying to give Nelly some space to breathe. I don’t want to smother myself…
I did just do the simple task of…reading the play again, and i can never get over how much more there is everytime!
I was also hoping to find something more in the verdict ‘oh, god, oh, god, mama?’ As i’m working with bernadette on it one-on-one (in half an hour….oh…nervous)
the major things that stand out to me about it are:
- the “god”s are in lower case
- she calls out for her mother in front of the whole courtroom
- “oh god” is not one thought, “oh” and “god” are two seperate thoughts
I’m sure in half and hour’s time when i’m meeting with Bernadette everything about it will be a lot clearer.
Hey … the life of an actor! What can I say? Hope things are refreshed for you now. I reckon you need an audience to reassure you that what you are doing is fine. Do a little audit when you do the wrap up of everything that you have learned about process during this project. You might find yourself astonished at what’s on the list.
Then make yourself a “If I were to do this all over again” type list and add what you would change about what you did thus far.
AND don’t apologise for talking with your director or letting go of your frustrations. That’s also a necessary part of the whole process.
thanks a lot for that kate.
i’m looking forward to writing the final wrap up…not sure what note it’ll end on at this stage!
One thing that does worry me though is the word “fine”….i’m glad that what i’m doing at this stage is fine, but i want it to be “good”, or even better! Don’t get me wrong, even I don’t think my work is much better than “fine” at this stage, but tonight i’m really going to just let go! I want to capture every thing I’ve found at home, and found in room 6 and put it in the performance!
I had a really great session with Bernadette yesterday. The whole time during, and for hours afterwards, i felt so bursting with energy and emotion (but good, useful emotion)! And i really think that the verdict will be so much better now.
my next task was to then apply those exercises to the rest of Nelly’s scenes. However I sort of lost my enthusiasm (to be completely honest) yesterday during our double-run. My notes for the first run were to try playing Nelly more frustrated and sad, and stop with all the anger.
This is something i am aware of, but when i get up there and i look at Mary, the anger just always seems to spill over and i loose my ability to think as an actor.
so, during the second run, i really focused on trying to play the more frustrated and upset Nelly, and i HOPE i captured it. But then, my next note after that was to play her for the strong, bottled up Nelly!
So tonight’s run, will be ANOTHER attempt at Nelly’s emotion.
i compeletely understand the various attempts at the scene, but i just wished it had been explored sooner! We open tomorrow, and Bernadette is still letting me explore. On one hand, i think it’s awesome, because it’ll keep me fresh and help layer the scene even more, but on the other hand, i would DESPERATELY like to just have it solid by now!!
ahhh…oh well….i’ll go in for the strong, supressed Nelly tonight and just hope that my next note is…”cool, now just take all of that and do what you want…”
I think that’s why the Mary/Nelly scene is so layered and difficult, because Nelly’s emotion in it CAN be played in so many different ways. There are moments when she looses control (the opening moment where she grabs Mary) there are moments when shes just in despair, and there are moments when she’s completely emotional. I’m hoping that after playing an entire run doing Nelly the “survivor” i’ll get to just take the best from every world for the actual performances.
Another note on that scene….during the play, i have always felt that that scene between Mary and Nelly, is when Nelly just lets rip. This situation with Mary telling lies on her happens ALL the time, and now this is almost her bursting point. When you think about the dialogue she chooses “you’re batty as a goddam loon” and “you know god-damn well how you get those bruises”….. She curses God, and insults Mary. I don’t see her as being that “in control” when she’s letting herself curse.
But i guess this is where the actor has to just do as the director asks. Bernadette said in notes that she sees the Verdict as being when Nelly finally breaks down, and that’s what i’m going to try tonight. But i think it’ll be very difficult for me to hold everything in during that mary/nelly scene!
I’m going to (for now) see tonight as another exploration, but in performance mode. I’m just hoping it can all come together!
I’m looking forward to letting rip during the verdict, too. I know i can do it, i just have to (as bernadette as said) get rid of that demon inside my head!
oh, just quickly thought i’d write something positive!!!
although i’m struggling with parts….just thought i’d quickly say how much i LOVE everything else, particularly being trees and the Skelly shooting scene!
It’s soooo incredibly sad, but it’s when i feel the most connected! i feel absolutely petrified when i’m getting the gun and listening to all the sounds, and then when skelly runs towards me, i an surprised EVERYTIME when i pull the trigger! Don’t get me wrong, i do want to, but every time it happens i still have that petrified regret in the very pits of my stomach, and the gun passing, and EVERYTHING ressonates sooo well with me.
i love it!
Just a note on the “i wish it had been explored earlier” comment. The rehearsal of a play is quite an organic thing. We find “things” in the text that we then explore on the rehearsal room floor. Whatever the actor brings to the floor then gets developed. We’re never really certain of what needs to be explored until we discover “things” on the floor. So don’t feel impatient with yourself or the process: new ideas drop in when they are ready to. Nelly is ready to fly now. go for it : )
Thank you Bernadette! Although i’m going to wait for the end of the season to do my big blog about the performances and everything…
i just quickly want to say that that comment about letting Nelly fly last night really helped me.
i felt so happy with how last night went! Although i couldn’t resist locking myself in Q138 for a few hours during the day to revise some stuff, i really did let myself just trust everything that i’ve already discovered and that you’ve helped me discover.
i really hope it showed, because it felt amazing!
thank you
ok, my first blog! i haven’t written yet as internet is a very difficult thing to come by at my house…but here i go.
i feel i’ve got sooo much to write as it’s been so long since we started the process!
i love the play so much, and i’m honestly really grabbed by almost every character, though i have special connections with a few.
i really like what we’ve been doing most days in class, especially when we’re actually exploring the play together, like looking at specific scenes, or the character’s life day-to-day.
One problem i’ve personally been having however, is i worry that i’m really starting to make discoveries and fall in love with characters…but they’re not even my character yet! And may never be!
The major example is Evelyn, i feel i’m really falling in love with her, and it’s a bit weird to step into her, explore her and then have that reality check of “hang on, i may never actually get to follow this through”…..it’s also a bit jarring seeing other people in the space being the same character.
i almost wish we’d not explored the characters so much, but i understand that it’ll help so much in the long run.
I absolutely loved the exercise we did yesterday where we would just do a simple activity, then spend a day in the life of our favourite character. I found so much….it was a really simple, but really fulfilling exercise. I couldn’t believe all the things i found washing over me, and it was a bit unique for me, because i felt like i was really in the moment, feeling very much everything true with what i’ve found out about Evelyn at this stage, but at the same time, i could think as “Hannah” and realise that i was making a lot of discoveries. It was also really great to remember everything afterwards, and recall all the memories i had floating in my head, that all belonged to Evelyn.
i also loved exploring scenes. It really feels like we’re getting back into the basics of why we’re here, and why we’re doing this crazy passion of ours….
i can’t wait to be cast….i really love all the characters, but will be a bit heartbreaking not being able to use the discoveries we’ve already made.
!!!
Well…i’ve been finding class really interesting since we’ve been cast, and i’m really enjoying most of it.
I’m personally one of those actors who LOVE getting together and just discussing everything, mainly because people say things i really have never considered. Today was the second (oh god, is it third?) time we’ve read the play since being cast and we’ve been stopping often to talk about motivations and moments before and things like that. NOrmally (eg…country’s good perhaps…) I don’t really like discussing a play in such detail so early on, as i feel like it’s too early to make “decisions” about things, as it’s such a early time in the process, we’re all still getting to know our characters and we don’t want any judgement passed on them. HOwever, i’m really loving discussing the play itself and things in the time line. I feel like when we all get together and try and figure out when things happened, it’s good because it helps us all be on the same page.
ONe thing i’ve been having issues with, and it’s tough because i’m really worried that i might have been doing it myself occassionally, is making judgements on other people’s characters. I feel like we’re all throwing things in about any topic, but it always ends up as talking about the characters, which is really interesting and i like it, but i don’t know how it really works for everyone. If Nelly was a character that was spoken about as much as say Robert or Mary, i would probably feel a little obligated to go with other people’s ideas. Not because i didn’t like my own, more just beceause i’d worry that was “right”.
i’m probably explaining this terribly, but maybe because it’s all a bit mixed in my head at this stage. I guess i just worry sometimes when we have those big group discussions that we’re talking about people’s characters, and those people might not want to hear what everyone has to say so early on……it’s just about how they and the director’s feel at the end of the day.
but i’m loving everything we’re discovering about the community and eldritch. IT’s starting to become real, which is always nice.
I have sooo many Nelly questions to figure out, mostly things like, what her life was like before she bought the mill, why she never got married or anything and how she afforded the mill….things like that.
I guess it’s overwelming for everyone. Good sign, means complicated characters….good old eldritch.
If people don’t want to hear what others have to say about ‘their’ characters, they’re in the wrong groove. No character in a play is isolated from nor immune from any other character or actor’s ideas. I think this is the ‘reality fallacy’ i.e., that characters are creations that need to be protected or something against tainting by others. Fact is, they are narrative elements … figures rather than ‘people’ which only make sense when they are seen relative to the others in the play. And of course they are going to change as the days go by in rehearsals and things start morphing. Good comment!!
okay….my first rehearsal with Bernadette (and first rehearsal on a scene) last week.
Crystal and I were really excited to finally start rehearsing as neither of us had been in yet. I’ve been having a lot of trouble trying to figure out Nelly’s history! if she’s around the fifty mark, that’s A LOT of years to fill in (listen to my young self…).
I found this a little scary as i really want to get it right, but also realistic for the times. i went in with some pretty modern ideas, so it was really good to chat to Bernadette about a more realistic approach to how those years would have been spent between finishing school and when the play begins.
I realise i have a lot more research to do about what life was like for single women in those times. As it’s quite clear Nelly’s not, and has never been (i think) married, it’s interesting to think about how her years filled up, and how that contributes to her resentment towards Mary.
I really REALLY enjoyed this rehearsal. I’ve never worked with Bernadette as a director, so i didn’t know what to expect, and it was really fun. One thing i really have to get over though, is my resentment towards being “on book.” i really let it get to me, and i think i maybe even use it as an excuse when i know i’m doing a bad job. It’s easy to blame the fact that you’ve got to keep looking down, and breaking the connection with your partner. Very frustrating stuff, i’m looking forward to getting organised and LEARNING my freeking lines!
Bernadette was great with her honesty too…one thing i’ve been missing is getting honesty from the lecturers, and having them be harsh. it was good to have Bernadette say “no hannah, you’re stepping out of the scene” and it really made me step up, which i liked. i felt pushed and i hope i came out improved, because i felt like i did.
(wow, that was really badly written….)
It’ll be good to work with Kate on some scenes in Act 2….getting the different perspectives of different directors….
good experience i believe….good experience…yes indeed….muchly
Over the holidays i’m just going to learn my lines (no “on book” excuses) and get comfortable with playing age…i’m definately going to hit up some persona-ing….which i love, and get Nelly’s history figured out!
See people on monday…
Hi Hannah. Nice to read your notes. I know what you mean about ‘no book’. I never feel I am really clicking with that thing in my hands. Great to lose it and walk the tightrope of invention and creativity.
okay, 2nd rehearsal with bern, and also group rehearsals with kate on MOnday of hols.
i actually felt no bitterness about coming back early, i think we all realise that time’s getting on, and we really need to start putting everything together.
BErnadette worked on the first NElly/Mary scene again, which i was happy about, because i feel like that scene has limitless possibilites, but at this stage i’m still keeping it a bit resticted, not just because of being on book, but also because i’m not quite tapped into Nelly yet. i feel almost overwelmed honestly by this character. Just backtracking slightly (and maybe getting a little too deep) but i think i’ve made a real, genuine and kind of scary realisation about myself as an actor. What’s happening to me with NElly, is exactly what happened with two of my previous characters here at drama school. When i played Duckling in “our country’s good” and the waterbug in “ugly duckling”, i did exactly the same thing i’m doing now with Nelly. It’s kind of hard to explain, but all of these characters scared me and made me feel really challenged (obviously a good thing!)
When it came to the WAterbug, at first i felt really confident, and then as i started delving into the scenes i realised that it was actually a major challenge (lots of freeking clowning involved!!), i then hit a massive wall where i thought it would never go right, and then finally, i had one rehearsal where it just completely broke through! And every show after that it was exactly the same, and i was happy.
Exactly that happened with Duckling. I felt really excited about playing her, but after doing some research and character work, i started really freaking out about her. SHe was so complex and felt things i thought i could only imagine. BUt there was one rehearsal where it just completely broke through! And after that it was the same every day.
I’m at this stage with Nelly at the moment where she’s just really scaring me. HOnestly, when i first got that character, i just felt quite confident. I felt i could tap into her quite easily as i can relate to her situation a little too easily. BUt now that i’m actually digging my heels in and getting stuck into her, i realise that this character just has infinate possibilities and it really scares me. I’m looking forward to that moment in rehearsal when it just breaks through. i feel really confident that it’ll happen
MOnday’s rehearsal with Bern (now that i’ve gone on for ever about other stuff!) went really well. BUt like i’ve said, i did feel that wall blocking me. I think i’m still playing her a bit young…..
I have that really stupid moment occassionally in rehearsals when i realise that i’m not truly connected, which annoys me, because i want to be passed that by this stage! (Especially as we have no third year now….bitter still)
The next bit we covered i really enjoyed. we worked on that snippet when Mary speaks about her bad dream and Nelly is telling her to go back to sleep. We did it two completely different ways. THe first was just really beautiful and nuturing, to show some light and shade in their relationship. I really loved this and felt really connected at that stage. THen bernadette did the thing we love and said “okay, now do it completely the opposite!”
That was great, getting back into that good, old fashioned “acting” stuff! We completely flipped it! And oddly enough, it worked too.
i wasn’t expecting that, but Bernadette ended up saying we’d decide later which way to play it.
it was really fun realising that things don’t have to be decided immediately. And you really can decide when you know what’s going to serve the story better. AT this stage i genuinely have no idea which way would serve the characters or the story better.
The light and beautiful way shows that Mary and Nelly’s relationship has depth and love in it, and also gives the audience a bit more of a mystery as they get to see Nelly in this “loving” moment, which increases the confusion of how she’s on trial.
However, doing it as the more dismissive, and frustrated Nelly, also worked well because we really can get the sense that poor old Nelly has this kind of stuff happen ALL the time and we can think more about Martha saying “the life that woman leads…”
It seems to just layer the frustration more and give more of a sense of how much of a burden mary truly is.
Looking forward to rehearsals tomorrow. Meeting Laurel at 9 to work on Nelly and Mavis’ scene (PLUG!) So that’ll be good, as that’s an interesting scene.
better go to sleep then…..it may or may not be midnight…..
A lot happened in the last week! I’ve had two seperate rehearsals with Laurel, doing work with Crystal at home and have also worked with Kate for the first time properly.
I also have been op-shopping and found a pair of shoes, and a skirt that i think are PERFECT for Nelly, i may have to paint the shoes black, as i don’t think they’re important enough to be my one item….
I feel a step closer to truly finding her now, still feel not quite there…
Last night was our 7-9 rehearsal with kate, which i REALLY enjoyed! i don’t know if it was having less people in the room, or what we were working on specifically, but there was just a really good vibe in the air, and i really enjoyed the rehearsal.
We worked on the Nelly/Mavis scene for the first time, and it went smoother than i anticipated. laurel and i had been working on it, but only doing activities and discussing the scene, nothing major. I really liked Kate’s imput and i liked the way she encouraged us to just go with our impulses and remember that this is still “rehearsal”.
it’s always a bit overwhelming working on a scene with not much time, because there’s sooo much to find. I’m looking forward to getting stuck into it again soon and finding even more.
kate also introduced this great new tense energy, that we’d played with before, but hadn’t actually encorporated as much. It worked really well! It helped drive home the actual purpose of the scene, as apposed to just “talking in the street…”
I’m still struggling with Nelly’s age, which i really had hoped to have cracked by now. I don’t think it’s a major problem yet, i still feel confident it’ll come, but it’s frustrating as i don’t yet feel i’m serving the scenes to the best of my ability. I do feel like a 19 year old walking differently, i don’t feel 50 yet.
Last night i really did try to just put that problem on the shelf for now, and focus on serving the scene and letting the feelings come, without feeling frustrated about physicalisation.
I think my costume props will help too!
Overall, i’m having fun and being challenged. But i do hope that we look at all the scenes in a bit more detail before production week.
I feel i still have a lot of work to do, but am confident i’ll get it done! That plus eight thousand scriptwriting assignments…woot.
I don’t know whether it’s possible to ‘feel’ 50 when you are 19 in a way that is meaningful for acting purposes. What you can do is body-mask, and attempt a parallel or substitution situation to enable an attitude appropriate for this particular 50 year old Nelly.
Continue working on exterior actions for now. This will really help I feel sure.
i have a lot to catch up on. Been a while….
honestly i haven’t really felt very motivated to blog recently because i only want to write constructive things about my process, but i’m finding that harder and harder to do.
This week, i don’t feel i’ve had much positive stuff to blog about, really i’m just feeling really worried about whether or not we’ll even have a show to put on!
I’ve really done my best in this show, as i know a lot of people in the ensemble have, but this is definately the kind of show where even if there is ONE mistake, or ONE person who stuffs up, it just screws up the entire thing. I feel like it almost doesn’t matter how much work i do, because if every single other person in the ensemble doesnt’ do all their work too, it just won’t show
Kate gave us some harsh, much needed words on Friday at our reherasal. It made me feel terrible though, and for the rest of the day i tried to just focus, and get into the right frame of mind, but it was really hard when cast members would then just PROVE what kate had said!! after getting that speech, you’d think people would want to deliver their “a” game, and show Kate that we were worth it, but we didn’t. Instead, people were slow, unfocused, didn’t know their lines and it was really upsetting.
I’m not angry at any people, i’m just angry at the situation. And i pray that we can pull it out!
In terms of my personal process, i feel ok. I know there’s always more to find, but at this stage, when the show/ensemble is in such a state as it is, i think there’s not a lot i can do. I think i’m still stressing Personal Pronouns….and i want to work a little more on playing the helplessness in Nelly, less than the anger. However, one thing the playwright tells us about Nelly is that she’s a “strong” woman, so i’m really trying to keep a hold of that. I don’t think he’d write that in her description if it wasn’t important.
Tomorrow is our cast rehearsal without a director or any sm’s….so that’ll be interesting! I’m just hoping we can salvage some kind of reputation as being a “workable” cast!
One other thing i’m a bit worried about are the amount of times we’re working on scenes…..One of my scenes with Mavis, has only been looked at very briefly, and i’m just worried that if it doesn’t end up translating, i won’t know what the problems are.
Laurel and I have done a lot of outside rehearsal, but there’s only so much you can do without direction. The direction we’ve had so far is good, but it was so brief. I just hope the scene is ready. As an actor, how do you know when you’re ready?
There is another thing that’s been on my mind a bit, and i don’t really know how to word it…..here goes…
i don’t feel like we’re being given any “acting” notes. Isn’t that why we’re here? To learn acting? I feel like there are some moments in the play that REALLY need work, and they’re never mentioned in notes.
I COMPELTELY trust kate and bernadette, and if they’re not mentioning it, maybe it’s fine….but i just worry that I can be trying my best, and doing what i think is right, but then when the shows over, be told that i wasn’t up to scratch. And if my director never gave me any Acting notes, how was i ever meant to know??? Don’t get me wrong, i ‘m not expecting to be given personal notes or anything, i just mean that this is a learning process…..and how do we know when we’re getting it right?
I know that happened to a few people in Our Country’s Good…the entire process they were fine, never given notes, and then right at the end when marks came out, they were very disappointed. So is no news good news????
arghhh….anyway….hoping things improve!
Matt and I handed out HEAPS of fliers and posters on Saturday, which went really well. We got some really good responses from people, so hopefully picked up some audience members!
It was hilarious, we had to keep running back into the copy place to get more photocopies, which is a good sign. People were interested!
Hi Hannah. Good to get some reflection off your chest. I will be speaking further to the matter at this afternoon’s rehearsal.
Now you have me puzzled as to ‘no acting notes.’ I wonder what you mean by this? There are at least 2 comments by me (above) which are notes relating to the process of acting. I know I have given these in coaching on the floor. I wonder whether they are recognised as such? Any note is an acting note in rehearsal, surely? Now I’m going to throw the ball back to you. One thing a director (this director) likes is to have an actor say something like this: I am going to try to make Nelly really strong today. Can you watch out for how I am doing? or I want to focus on my diction today as a result of that note you gave me the other day. Can you watch out for that? In this way, the director is put on notice to give the actor the note she wants!
Oh and another thing … if you don’t get a note, it means you are on the right track and the director wants to leave you alone to progress this line of action. Sometimes making an actor self-conscious by saying ‘I think that moment when you ….. (fill in observation) is terrific.’ It can often make the actor block any further development, or worse still, try to reproduce. Having said that, I do agree that members of any cast deserve to be told if something needs to be fixed.
Anyhow, chat more if you would like.
hey kate, thanks a lot for that. I do understand about all notes being acting notes, sometimes i just worry that i wouldn’t be told if i was completely off track, or making a choice that wasn’t very strong. We also had some weird situations with Our Country’s Good where the entire process went very smoothly and actors got no notes, and then at the end of the process were given very average results…..i just wanted to be clear how to avoid this, by making sure that this will be different, and we’ll be told if something’s not going well!
It’s very difficult to exactly articulate what i mean…..i hope this makes some kind of sense!
I haven’t been able to log on for a while as our internet is down, so a lot’s happened since i wrote that, and i’m glad to say i’ve been getting LOTS of notes lol!
discovered a lot of things about myself as an actor, which is exciting. My hand-tension, as i’ve called it, is something that is suprisingly difficult to shake! I spent a lot of time last night doing various exercises (ie - while i was making dinner, walking to the shops, getting ready for bed) running my lines in the Nelly-Mavis scene but i just found myself unable to shake the habbit! Only when my hands were busy doing other things was it not really a problem. Now i just have to capture that in the context of the scene.
It’s very difficult especially because i do want Nelly to have that “on-edge”, tense feel about her, as she’s a repressed woman who’s got a lot on her shoulders, and on top of that, she’s ALWAYS in uncomfortable or tense situations! So i have a major challenge ahead of me, i just hope i can get it right!
Task: the CHARACTER is tense, not the ACTOR…
I also felt very shocked yesterday to discover how many lines i’ve been paraphrasing!! Not a good thing at all, and really un-like me!
All is fixed now though!! I worry that the work I’m doing isn’t coming across.
I’m going to experiment by extending my warm up and focusing less on getting into Nelly’s emotion, and more on technical things. Working my articulation for longer, stretching for longer….so i can get rid of these problems!
This has been a really interesting process for me. it’s always good to discover things about yourself, and find things to work on.
I’m also going to try and just RELAX….and ENJOY myself. A previous acting teacher i’ve had, said that no matter what you’re doing, even if you’re on trial for murder, you should still be having FUN! and enjoying what you’re doing. And giving absolutely everything.
I don’t know if it’s a result of our ensemble, or how the rehearsal process has been going, but i don’t feel like i’ve really given this everything in the space, i still feel a bit held back, which is completely my own fault.
today (after IHTD) i’m really going to try and just enjoy every second of being Nelly, and stop worrying about everything.
Acting hint. Give your character something to do with her hands … a personal prop. What about a handkerchief? Simple, appropriate … yet can assist with the physical tension and can also act as an extension of the character’s relationship to situation.
Thanks kate! I actually thought about something like that. Like, possibly also having groceries, or yes, a handkerchief.
Now it sounds so ridiculous in my head, but i originally though ‘oh, is that cheating??”
I’ll look into it!
Quite a bit’s happened for for me personally in the last few days.
We’ve had A LOT of rehearsals, costume runs, tech runs and a day off! yay!
Lately i’ve been feeling (and i’m fairly sure i’m not alone) a little disheartened by the process and the way it’s been going. Over the last week or so it’s been getting harder and harder to get out of bed and come to try and give everything to this project.
As a result of this, there have been days where i fear i’m really not giving everything, which i completely hate, and therefore it’s been really piling up on me. No suprises in that on those days, i got the most notes, and i’m sure kate and bernadette could tell i wasn’t wholey connected.
However on Saturday (the third) something changed. We came in for rehearsals at 5:30 to start the note session. And as usual i was getting quite a few notes about tension and other things….and inside i just felt myself getting really upset and worked up, becuase i KNEW that i wasn’t giving everything i could give, and i hate that feeling! I hate knowing that i wasn’t completely leaving everything at the door, and was letting my feelings affect my connection to Nelly.
The last week or so had just made me feel so lost with this character, and had me doubting whether or not i could even do it!
Whilst sitting there i decided that i would just go and talk to kate or bernadette and just ask for some advice, or at least let them know that i was feeling this way.
Oh, did that go a bit embarassing!!
By the time i got the courage to actually approach them, i just started crying! Oh-my-gosh…what an idiot!
i completely lost control, it was ridiculous! I believe the only words i got out were “i just feel so lost…” and then pretty sure that was the last thing co-herent that came out of my mouth.
It’s not all bad though, because i came away from the whole thing feeling so much better. Both Kate and bernadette helped, and made me not feel so embarassed.
one thing bernadette said particularly ressonated with me, she said “look at you right now hannah, you’re in a highly emotional state, and yet you’re calm, you’re not tense and you’re in control”
this just really helped. I realised that of course, i don’t need that tension to show dispair, or to show frustration, or pain.
yay…progress….
kate also said to just go and get some fresh air, take some deep breaths before going to warm up.
i’m glad i did this too, because i just went and let out what i needed to let out and then by the time i was getting ready to go, i felt like i had all this amazing emotion and a clear head, just bubbling around inside me, and i was actually looking forward to giving Nelly what she deserved.
I think that Saturday was my favourite rehearsal, because i just let go and didn’t THINK!!
I’m really glad i went with my impulses and was honest with Kate and Bernadette. it was all worth it, just for that feeling of actually experiencing Nelly for the entire play! Before when i’ve found her, it’s only been in moments, and now i’ve finally had that experience for the whole duration of being on stage!
Our rehearsal the next day went fairly well too, i don’t think i matched the day before, but that’s ok…
the point is i now know where i CAN go……good feeling!
Hoping that i’m over my little depressive patch! I feel a new willingness and passion to tell this story!
it’s been an important few days.And the day off yesterday was sooo good! I worked on some other things besides Eldritch….sonnets, scriptwriting….just trying to give Nelly some space to breathe. I don’t want to smother myself…
I did just do the simple task of…reading the play again, and i can never get over how much more there is everytime!
I was also hoping to find something more in the verdict ‘oh, god, oh, god, mama?’ As i’m working with bernadette on it one-on-one (in half an hour….oh…nervous)
the major things that stand out to me about it are:
- the “god”s are in lower case
- she calls out for her mother in front of the whole courtroom
- “oh god” is not one thought, “oh” and “god” are two seperate thoughts
I’m sure in half and hour’s time when i’m meeting with Bernadette everything about it will be a lot clearer.
wow….crazy few days!
Hey … the life of an actor! What can I say? Hope things are refreshed for you now. I reckon you need an audience to reassure you that what you are doing is fine. Do a little audit when you do the wrap up of everything that you have learned about process during this project. You might find yourself astonished at what’s on the list.
Then make yourself a “If I were to do this all over again” type list and add what you would change about what you did thus far.
AND don’t apologise for talking with your director or letting go of your frustrations. That’s also a necessary part of the whole process.
thanks a lot for that kate.
i’m looking forward to writing the final wrap up…not sure what note it’ll end on at this stage!
One thing that does worry me though is the word “fine”….i’m glad that what i’m doing at this stage is fine, but i want it to be “good”, or even better! Don’t get me wrong, even I don’t think my work is much better than “fine” at this stage, but tonight i’m really going to just let go! I want to capture every thing I’ve found at home, and found in room 6 and put it in the performance!
I had a really great session with Bernadette yesterday. The whole time during, and for hours afterwards, i felt so bursting with energy and emotion (but good, useful emotion)! And i really think that the verdict will be so much better now.
my next task was to then apply those exercises to the rest of Nelly’s scenes. However I sort of lost my enthusiasm (to be completely honest) yesterday during our double-run. My notes for the first run were to try playing Nelly more frustrated and sad, and stop with all the anger.
This is something i am aware of, but when i get up there and i look at Mary, the anger just always seems to spill over and i loose my ability to think as an actor.
so, during the second run, i really focused on trying to play the more frustrated and upset Nelly, and i HOPE i captured it. But then, my next note after that was to play her for the strong, bottled up Nelly!
So tonight’s run, will be ANOTHER attempt at Nelly’s emotion.
i compeletely understand the various attempts at the scene, but i just wished it had been explored sooner! We open tomorrow, and Bernadette is still letting me explore. On one hand, i think it’s awesome, because it’ll keep me fresh and help layer the scene even more, but on the other hand, i would DESPERATELY like to just have it solid by now!!
ahhh…oh well….i’ll go in for the strong, supressed Nelly tonight and just hope that my next note is…”cool, now just take all of that and do what you want…”
I think that’s why the Mary/Nelly scene is so layered and difficult, because Nelly’s emotion in it CAN be played in so many different ways. There are moments when she looses control (the opening moment where she grabs Mary) there are moments when shes just in despair, and there are moments when she’s completely emotional. I’m hoping that after playing an entire run doing Nelly the “survivor” i’ll get to just take the best from every world for the actual performances.
Another note on that scene….during the play, i have always felt that that scene between Mary and Nelly, is when Nelly just lets rip. This situation with Mary telling lies on her happens ALL the time, and now this is almost her bursting point. When you think about the dialogue she chooses “you’re batty as a goddam loon” and “you know god-damn well how you get those bruises”….. She curses God, and insults Mary. I don’t see her as being that “in control” when she’s letting herself curse.
But i guess this is where the actor has to just do as the director asks. Bernadette said in notes that she sees the Verdict as being when Nelly finally breaks down, and that’s what i’m going to try tonight. But i think it’ll be very difficult for me to hold everything in during that mary/nelly scene!
I’m going to (for now) see tonight as another exploration, but in performance mode. I’m just hoping it can all come together!
I’m looking forward to letting rip during the verdict, too. I know i can do it, i just have to (as bernadette as said) get rid of that demon inside my head!
hoping tonight goes well!
oh, just quickly thought i’d write something positive!!!
although i’m struggling with parts….just thought i’d quickly say how much i LOVE everything else, particularly being trees and the Skelly shooting scene!
It’s soooo incredibly sad, but it’s when i feel the most connected! i feel absolutely petrified when i’m getting the gun and listening to all the sounds, and then when skelly runs towards me, i an surprised EVERYTIME when i pull the trigger! Don’t get me wrong, i do want to, but every time it happens i still have that petrified regret in the very pits of my stomach, and the gun passing, and EVERYTHING ressonates sooo well with me.
i love it!
Hannah,
Just a note on the “i wish it had been explored earlier” comment. The rehearsal of a play is quite an organic thing. We find “things” in the text that we then explore on the rehearsal room floor. Whatever the actor brings to the floor then gets developed. We’re never really certain of what needs to be explored until we discover “things” on the floor. So don’t feel impatient with yourself or the process: new ideas drop in when they are ready to. Nelly is ready to fly now. go for it : )
Thank you Bernadette! Although i’m going to wait for the end of the season to do my big blog about the performances and everything…
i just quickly want to say that that comment about letting Nelly fly last night really helped me.
i felt so happy with how last night went! Although i couldn’t resist locking myself in Q138 for a few hours during the day to revise some stuff, i really did let myself just trust everything that i’ve already discovered and that you’ve helped me discover.
i really hope it showed, because it felt amazing!
thank you