Matthew
10th of May - Confectionary, confectionary
Candy Bar anyone? Well we have one, and me and Jenna did it with minimum costs, we have the receipts we spent, we also have a donation from Priceline (Who loved the show that much that they gave us 2 boxes of Belgium Chocolate estimated sale price of 130 dollars at 3 dollars each).
So that is super, and i am sure the GP will feel nicer now they are getting beverages and food during the intervals.
8th of May - Saints will Tarry there
What an opening?! Quite a turnout. I was impressed, and lots of those were people that i didn’t even know were turning up, hopefully we have quite a few more. I knew an audience would make us change, everything was different, so many things were diferent, people grew immediately.
I felt like the monologue was quite connected and quite good tonight, and that is great too… I really have nothing to say, i am just warming down and de-exciting myself so i can sleep.
GREAT JOB ALL! night.
7th of May - Bells and vagabonds
How is it that when you feel the worst you can, when you can’t connect as you normally do, when you are conscious of thoughts OTHER than that happening in the scene, that you can pull off the best performance so far? It’s strange isn’t it. When Kate said to me, “that was the best i’ve seen him tonight” i was confused… I mean, it felt great to hear that, that even though i wasn’t connected and was not in the moment so to speak, i could still perform an illusion of reality by simply portraying the work i had done previously.
Recently i have been worried, after yesterdays rehearsal of TWO dress runs, i was scared that my voice was weakening, losing strength. I rested it all today, and warmed up only briefly, as i did not want to risk over warming up. However, as soon as i got past the eva skelly scene and into the Robert Skelly, i felt strength and power to to dwindle, i toned it down alot, dropping the whole horse-ness of his voice and kept it as close to mine as possible without losing its effect. The whole time i was conscious of my voice, especially in the yelling part at the end… It worried me alot that i could not get the power needed. Then i screwed up the monologue, go figure. Three runs of DLP and then a dramatic screw, although i covered it well. I repeated the pretty girl twice, and then immediatly after realising jumped into “Right in the wood house, the very night her old….”
I couldn’t believe how horrendous i was. I was warmed up, in Skelly’s shoes and ready to go. What i think is that i may need an audience to boost my enthusiasm. I know it will happen, i am sure of it. The energy will flow and i think things will be great.
I feel personally, with what i have done with skelly, and even now when i can trip up and still fool the audience, that i have achieved a level of maturity within my acting process. I was given a very difficult role, one that i was anxious to even step foot in. Yet i had worked, hard, and i think it helped alot. He feels apart of me now, and i enjoy that feeling. Also i didn’t really want to say this, because i think i will end up indulging in the character too much and get a head to big for my neck. But Skelly is the first character, i have ever really connected with. I mean, i don’t care whether i am doing a good job or not, it’s not about that to me, it’s about how i feel, and how i portray that character with the integrity and clarity he is worth. I feel sometimes, that i can’t even get into Skelly in warm up, but as soon as i hit that scene, there he is. It’s like he walks right beside me and as i walk on stage he steps in front of me and takes the steering wheel, he’s the driver and controls the impulse, i simply just watch and go along for the ride, and that feels amazing.
That to me, is what acting is.
5th of May - Rockets and Guns
Alot went on this week. Alot. I can’t believe it. It was horrible what first happened, but that is in the past, and i think we needed the rocket up our arses for sure. I mean, there was ALOT of shit happening in the ensemble, people not showing up, not taking it seriously, and all that jazz. But then, we were told they were cancelling two of our shows. Everyone was distraught, i was. It was hurtful and hard. But yes, then things changed, over the next few days, infact even the day after it happened. The show was dramatically different in many ways, people knew their cues, and lines were relatively down. I will continue this entry on the different days starting on the Tech Dress One.
Tech Dress 1:
My first make up attempt… Hmm, was difficult to figure out, i hadn’t looked at any books, and i wasn’t shown by anyone on how to do it. I just did it i suppose, and it turned out okay, i mean i looked more soot-ridden than anything. I know crystal was struggling, but yeah, it was all good. The performance felt okay, i wasn’t in the greatest of moods that day i don’t think, and i screwed up my monologue slightly. But it was okay. I did find a trigger, something to help me get from where i was to where i need to be. It was really interesting. All i do is rant to myself on how much SKelly hates the town, not the town, but how people don’t care in the town, he gets so mad, and then that triggers me into the passion of why he wants to change it, why he wants to help robert, why he wants to try and father Eva. This performance went relatively well, and it felt great to have those gloves.
Tech Dress 2.
I think my makeup was best on this night, i think it really was dirty, could be dirtier but wasn’t too dirty. My character actually looked scary, and i had a Beanie this time, instead of the european hat. It felt good, it made me feel older. My monologue was good tonight, many things were different in it. I didn’t REALLY get my lines wrong either, i found my light, and made sure that everything was connected, and gave it all its time. One thing i tried incorporating was a slight more dirty feel to skelly. He’s not the shepeard, he is disgusting. It went well, and the trigger is still working, i am happy.
Dress Rehearsal 1:
This was probably not as good as last night, but it still felt pretty good. My make up was too “something or other” and i did feel like that as well, his make up was too clean. I am excited about the show now, it is good. People are working hard, and characters are interacting and actually working together. we are an ensemble and that is the best feeling. It feels amazing really. And i am happy.
I am working more on dirtying skelly up, he can go that step further, i think, and then he can stop being so dirty. I terrified Mike last night, when i grabbed him, he was horrified.
27th of April - A spark of hope
Thank you Bernadette and Kate for taking the time to read my rant. your comments made me feel better, and your feedback has helped. I was thinking about Skelly alot today, whilst i was modding a game that i am working on as a side project. And all of a sudden i made this great discovery, i started re-enacting my Epic quit with my Ex boss at Bon Amici. I was saying things that i would have liked to say, things that would have justified my argument more clearly and i went on like this for at least ten minutes.
After a while i stopped. I looked at what i was doing, and realised that i was literally talking to myself for ten minutes, no one else around, just me trying to justify my thoughts to myself. That’s something that is really good to use for Skelly. Also, on Saturday Hannah, Dan and I both handed out at least over 200 fliers to the public around Toowoomba. We also have 175 more to hand out at the refect tomorrow. But yeah, whilst i was down there, i saw the “can collector”, who is the Skelly of Toowoomba. He was muttering away to himself, just talking to himself, and i watched him for about twenty or so minutes… That’s all he did, he didn’t look at anyone else, just walked, and muttered. I persona’d him a while ago, but never saw that… It was really interesting, and helped me alot as well.
Lauren was also talking to me, because the wall i hit was epic, and i still feel stuck. She helped me by telling me to just go to the extreme, and make Skelly as gross, old, disgusting, muttery, ranty, man ever. Then i can discover things from that, and pull it back. So i think on Monday, i will try taking Skelly to the extreme, hopefully it works, if not, then poo… But i am sure i will learn something from it in any case.
Also Bernadette, thank you for clarifying that… Ben, DJ and i have already started making sure that we plot it out a bit differently, now that we have that thought and emotion behind it, we can pull it back. Thank you.
25th of April - Another Week, another week
This week has probably been one of the toughest weeks i have had in a great while. I have many things to discuss in this blog, some good, some bad, and some that might not have to be said. First of all, i am outraged that our class has got the reputation of being on of the worst ensembles EVER to come through USQ. It’s bloody rediculous, insanely humiliating and makes me feel like shit. I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing people complaining, and sooking about how USQ is so shit, and how we should all just leave. I really am tired of it because it is making everyone else get tainted by those comments, and begin to start bagging on USQ as well, and eventually causes a big cycle of the shit that was “Our Country’s Good”. That was a travesty, and i don’t want this to turn into a travesty, i know there are ALOT of us who do everything right, and try to uphold the professionality of the group. We are all aware that there are quite a few though, who don’t want to give a rats arse about this course and think it is okay to skip, constantly joke and make fun of our classes and course.
I mean, this play is to be performed to the PUBLIC, not just our peers. It is imperitive to prioritise the play rather than anything else. This is our job, and i am pretty sure many of the people who are doing this won’t do this if they had a real job, but just because we aren’t getting paid, doesn’t mean we can’t work hard. The majority of the class is doing great, and i hope things get better. But i don’t appreciate being told we are shit, i think that sort of crap can be left unsaid, prejudice doesn’t help anybody.
Okay, now that that is off my chest. Early on in the week i worked with Bernadette, we attempted to block the “baa” scene. I didn’t like it, it drew upon deep feelings, and was more method acting than acting i found. I didn’t want to dig up the feeling of when i was young, it was too hurtful and i can see how it affected me as a person. I became stronger from that time in my life, and things like that don’t affect me much anymore. However, when i brought it back, it suddenly threw me to a place i don’t think i really enjoy, i feel off balanced, and scared, insecure even. The fact that both characters, actually no, the fact that it feels like both Ben and Dan are pushing me instead of Boy and Josh. That makes me even more scared, not Skelly, because he wouldn’t be that scared, but it’s me that is scared, Matt. That is unsafe and i have talked with both boys and Kate, and it is agreed that we will have to find a way of control. I didn’t want to ruin the aesthetic between the two guys, because i didn’t want them to treat me like a porselyne doll, but that’s the way it went i suppose.
Today i felt happier with my monologue, however i don’t think Kate liked it much, i think she thought it was too young and romantic, whatever the hell that means. It probably means really close to the way i am, and clearly means that i haven’t transformed into Skelly enough. Which really worries me, as it is practically a week away and i have been doing so much work on this. I feel like i want to run away and feel what it feels like to be alone and scared and with no body, perhaps that will make me see how it feels to talk to myself like it is the usual thing. But i can’t, i have a girlfriend and an outside life. I haven’t experienced what skelly has, so that also makes things difficult for myself. I think what needs to be done, is that i just start talking to myself. All the time, just chatter away at myself. That will make it feel comfortable to speak to myself, casually, instead of pretending i am telling this epic story of my life. Skelly is difficult though, very difficult. It makes me feel hopeless, but i have to keep my hopes up, and just do the work… Keep working hard. Though it’s hard when many people aren’t working as hard.
To be called a horrible ensemble, it really sucks. A lot.
20th of April - Oh tell him he’s all right?
So i was told in the stagger through to break the monologue up again, make skelly more “artheritis-y?” and be careful not to go under my breath. This is all great feedback, and i have taken it in accordingly. Next time i rehearse the monologue in front of Kate, it should be better, with all those notes consciously in mind.
I did break up the text, i have broken the units up more according to certain parts of the monologue that clearly make a strong change, and then i broke it up into beats (my definition is the sub units between each unit). Which also helps, it gives me the changes, the dynamics that need to be incorporated, like whether i should throw the thought away or whether i should give it to the audience or the hound. I then broke each thought up, this is generally, for me, done at the punctuation marks, because they generally indicate a turn in thought, or something that has been added on, as it comes to you.
Although i haven’t worked this on the floor yet, it should help with each thought change and understanding how to break the text up more, add in more dynamics. I have actually, been thinking i should just speak the entire thing to the audience one time, or even throw the whole monologue away, just to get a sense of the two extremes. I might try that, but i do get self conscious of what Kate will think, it feels strange to just throw my whole inhibitions away when doing stuff like that, because i know Kate will be sitting there going, “Wha…the…fu…”
Meh, maybe i will try it. Maybe i won’t, or maybe have the whole conscious thought in mind. We’ll see.
17th of April - However far or near, Just tell him!
Skelly and i are getting along. I really don’t know how to record my process, i just forget about structuring, and just write what thoughts come out. So that’s what i wanted to say about how i am feeling about this recording of the process. I see my progress and process as from the begginning i step on the floor until the moment i step out on stage on the last night.
So here is my thoughts about what is going on. Over the past three weeks, my process has been studying people, voices, and trying to understand the eratic thoughts that Skelly conjures up in the script. I have made several great discoveries, one being that alot of his scenes are very full on, very powerful and very confronting. I discovered this in rehearsals with Robert and Eva. The battle, the stress and the desperation to get these thoughts out and make Robert understand is insane, it really is. I also have made a discovery that Skelly is far too truthful for his own good. He gets himself in a hell of alot of trouble with his characteristics, confronting people with their deepest fears or most sensitive subjects, and then getting caught up far too much in his words and ending up saying the wrong things, with no structure to his method.
When working on the monologue, i found alot of characteristics about Skelly that i didn’t know before. Things like his few personalities that play at certain points, and add a whole new layer upon his already derranged feel. Those different characteristics that come out are characters i call “The Hermit”, the archetypical shepeard like character who knows all and see’s all because that is what he is destined to do, watch and observe problems, then try to fix them. There is the “Old senial Man”, who’s characteristics seem to be to tell stories of the past, and treat people as if they were his own grandchildren (he does this with Eva). The other characteristic that shines through, is close to the “Old Senial Man” but with a more alsymers’ touch to it. This character is the rambling, crazy old man, that hates the world and thinks nobody is doing anything write, or that in his words “Nobody cares, they don’t see, what sort of thing goes on, what sort of devilment”.
There is alot more i have found, but it is late and i shall continue this another day. Though i have been enjoying the rehearsal process.
10th of April - Just Riming along
So a very interesting piece Skelly is. I have been working on him intensely, figuring out strategies, objectives, and all that jazz… Learning lines is the easy part, that’s the bit that comes from all the hard work… And to be able to put the book down is well, great. I have successfully achieved every thought in Skelly’s Monologue… Great stuff. I also am having lots of fun with trying to… Well, i am lost for words, can’t type properly, head is somewhere else… I’ll post tomorrow…
2nd of April - Clap Hands
So i found the voice, credit to the help of Michael, or at least a basis of where to start with the voice. It sounds exactly how Lanford would have wanted it i reckon. It seems like a great start, i got it off a song by Tom Waits called “Clap hands”. The poetry in it is very repetitive, and the patterns in the music are slow, eerie, and sharp… Something that you’d find SKelly to be like. SO i am very happy with this finding, makes me feel a whole lot better.
Another thing i discovered whilst working on the monologue, is that Skelly refer’s back to Glenna Ann (the love of his life) constantly to drown out the thoughts of how miserable the city is, Peck beating his daughter and nobody speaking up about it, Josh teasing Skelly, Driver Junior not dealing with his brothers death and therefore not seeing any hope in himself, Eva, the crippled girl of the town who so enstrangedly dances like a banshee (great choice of word) in her bedroom. How horrible the town is, nobody caring, nobody giving a shit.. “What they want to think they think, what they don’t they don’t”. Makes perfect sense to me why his happy place constantly needs to be forced back into his head… THIS GUY IS MISERABLE!!!
Well that’s my little discovery for today.
28th of March - Arche-Skelly and the call of the Hermit
So i have been reading in quite some detail about working with Archetypes, looking up information of John Wright and a handout that the amazing Jane gave me. By definition, an Archetype is a generic, idealized model of a person, object, or concept from which similar instances are derived, copied, patterned, or emulated. In psychology, an archetype is a model of a person, personality, or behavior. I have been focusing mostly on the personality, vocality and the physicality; the psychology is somewhat represented differently and outside the context of theatre.
Skelly is obviously, and suitably; an Archetype. He is the Hermit, the sheperd, the outcast, the forsaken. He is quite an interesting character and obviously has been created by the playwright for the specific intention of being exactly that. The Hermit is known to see all, know all. Many hermit’s are blind, and i suppose if you were crazy enough you could link the character traits to that of the prophet’s and oracles in the time of Ancient Greece. The articles i have been reading about offer me guides on how to go about capturing the quality of an archetype, and this is very useful for me as it gives information and inspiration for the physical and vocal traits of such a character as Skelly.
I haven’t been struggling with Skelly but i have been anxious, worried and slightly distracted you could say; over the vocal quality and the physical manifestation this character works in. Many Archetypical readings tell me that the Hermit type leads from the centre below the stomach, and are supposed to move as if the have lots of room within their pelvis, but have the quality of constant pain as they do move. Whilst this gives me a clear indication to the representation and interpretation i could offer Skelly, it also confuses me as… Well i don’t know.
Anyway, i have enjoyed reading these things, but yet they have made me ever more confused, and so i have to make an executive decision and speak in simple General American dialect and allow the voice to change once i grasp the strength of the character, the vocal, physical, and the objectives and strategies Skelly has. Only then will the character begin to form a more organic side, rather than me putting on what i think it needs.
Signing out, Lathandier
24th of March - The Day is young
I got Skelly! Wow. What an amazing thing, he was always my preferred choice but because everyone else was going for him, i decided to put my endeavours into something else, but in no way am i upset by this at all.
He really is an amazing guy isn’t he? He’s such a trooper. I’ve been reading and reading the scene’s he is in and the play as well, finding clues to unlock his mystery, to piece together his past and the events that took place to put him where he is today. So much is assumption, and elaboration off events stated in the text. And his MONOLOGUE! FUCK! Isn’t that an ambitious piece. All over the place, that’s the only way i can describe it. His mind works in such an eratic way, fast pace, too much to say, so little time is always the way it seems. He also never misses a chance to tell his life story when asked, especially when a hound asks you about your life story… About who the love of your life was, and that was the beautiful Betty Atkins. And my god did i image that! Wow she’s a babe, and imaging the beautiful tits line… Well let’s just say… CHA-CHING!
His physicality and his voice are my problem. Well not so much the physicality, but the voice is difficult. The physiscality opens up so many oppurtunities with his personality. There are so many choices for him, so many things and events that have happened in his past that could become of him, and twist and deform, or simply try to hide away his body, or to stand like any man, not ashamed or feared by who he is and what he is faced with.
I will think more upon it, but i just want to play!
19th of March - Doom’s Day
Well that was intense, i did connect once again with Robert, which made me feel amazing. but then for some reason i auditioned for Josh. I did like josh, and was interested in getting him, but i completely screwed that up so bad. I was connected but nothing was there, it was like i, i didn’t want him or something? LOL!
Anyway, i do hope i get robert… Fingers Crossed, only time will tell.
18th of March - Almost Terrified?
Hmm, welli, welli, well, well my brothers and sisters. This is my final blog before the die is cast. Today was actually a great day for me, i made a discovery or i suppose a commitment in a nutshell. I was working with mike today, on the scene’s that were given and he was playing Skelly. We worked through the objectives, given circumstances and the tactics and strategies that both characters applied. After about twenty minutes, i thought i knew what the scene required and we went through a few times, and finally when we got to perform to the class… BAM! Everything was forgotten and i had to work entirely off impulse. Finally got towards the end and i felt something that i had NEVER felt before. It was the CHARACTER reacting to what was being said, NOT me. The character was about to burst into tears, NOT me, and the character was the one who suppressed it all with yelling and Baa’ing, NOT me.
This was so fucking AMAZING! and yet it hurt so much when it was happening. Robert in that seen was so hurt, he was in so much denial and it was literally painful, yet still amazing. I know what i did today probably didn’t seem like much to anyone else, and i know it probably looked like it was what i normally do, which is put on a face. But i am serious, i have never felt something like that. Robert was just there, next to me, and he was reacting and it felt like i was his puppet. His physical manifestation speaking the text that he wanted to say, or communicating a feeling that he wanted to communicate, and the only way he could do that is through my physicality, which ultimately changed… I was throwing myself at Skelly, where i am normally refined in my movement, contrived even.
I never knew how in-depth Robert’s character is, he is so interesting and so intriguing. But deep down he is also so hurt and also so god damn inconsistent! He hates who his brother was, yet he defends his brother when he gets told what he already knows by somebody else.
I think i have chosen…
15th of March - My decision of self doubt
Well, well, well. Here i am again in a position where i am not sure which direction to go. Do i take the one that appealed to me first, full of entwining darkness and sullen skies. Do i take the path that is decorated by the life of flowers and simple things, or do i take the path like the first but thicker and more dense and suited to my lust for power and reserved anger? These are all but riddles to understand my mind in such an intricate way that i myself forget what i am typing and lose control of all structure.
I am torn, that is all, between three of which appeal yet disprove each other constantly with personality, intrigue, charisma and oh so beautiful morbidity. So what is it that i do? I have read through Rimers at least 4 times, and more and more i create these fantasies and scenario’s that image me on the stage in the mind of that character. The physicalities, the expressions, the love and the anger. It makes me so mad that i just can’t choose one, so i leave it up to fate. Three choices with three chances, but eight faults that leave me disappointed. I will try, i will succeed but i will leave it open for the faults to sink and chance to afloat.
11th March…
CREATIVITY OVERLOAD!!!???? How insane was today?? I simply just had a stupid thought that suited the eery feel of everything, really i was thinking of that movie with Nicole Kidman in it, and well once i said that “Maybe they’re all dead”, everyone ’s jaws dropped and it was NUTS! I couldn’t believe how well it suited everything, it was so dark, gothic and rediculous that it just might WORK!
My creative speel was amazing, i just felt so liberated i suppose, everything was so, so, fun… I enjoyed doing all that imaginative stuff today, it was like everything felt new again, even though it wasn’t… But you know… I felt that way and that’s what matters.
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I have immensely enjoyed this collaborative process thus far. It is really an interesting play that has got me so involved and intrigued that i am already having such a hard time trying to choose what character i could possibly audition for. At first it was Skelly, but yet i enjoy a lot of the other characters that i am just not sure.
I mean really guys, i did play a drunkard ALREADY in our country’s good, i mean isn’t it time i played someone different? Yet Skelly really is an ideal character, he has a HELL of a lot more lines than stupid “Captain Campbell” (said in a very thick scottish accent), and he also has a loved one and a vengeful side to him… AND HE DIES!!!
Oh who, oh WHO do i choose? I have all ready done work on skelly and robert, but meh.. I guess it really comes down to how well i want to audition and what part really that i need to focus on to progress forward in my acting career and versatility as a “transformer”.
Well you probably need some metal parts to play a transformer, I’m willing to attempt the surgery necessary to make you part robot. Also- Campbell was my fav character in ‘Our Country’s…such and such’ so ease up or I’ll go all Nelly Windrod on you.
I’m totally stoked about the creative process, it really feels like we own the show, you know?
absolutely… Yes
Hey Matthew I just wanted to see if my avatar works… so yeah…guess I’ll see you when I next turn around
Damn…ok maybe it will work this time.
Hi Matt
I share your frustration. Believe me.
Now to the work and the process. What I mean by ‘young and romantic’ is that there is too much of the actor there and not enough of the character. Skelly is a huge challenge for you and I am aware of this. You need now to work on some of the notes I gave you. Would you like a solo session with me this week? Let me know and we can grab an hour to work together.
I’m glad you got that off your chest. Now … it’s the work.
Thanks for your work so far. it is great to see someone who is committed to acting rather than to complaining.
With regards to the work we did with the boys. Please remember that the exercise was aimed at tapping into the aggression that the boys carry. Once actors can tap into that we need to find a way to repeat it but we never want the actors to feel at risk in performance. There is always a difference between working with an exercise and then finding a way to use what we found in the exercise to mark out how the scene can play in performance. Please let me know if you are still feeling unsafe and we’ll do some more work with the boys.
Hi Matt
I could see the work you had put into developing Skelly today. He ‘walked and talked’ up there and you are getting into the transformational side of the work which is always exciting. There were times when Matt got sidelined and Skelly stepped in. Was great!
Now, more layering … choices … throw aways. Think of the can collector, of how a person can get really, really engaged with something, obsessive even, and spend their time working it over and over till it becomes a part of them. I think Skelly’s remembrance of Glenna Ann and stuck up people, of that one time in the woodshed, of how people don’t care about things … are all his little obsesses and rants. Use this and strike out strongly.
Dear Mr Mannor
I’ve been observing you for a while now around the place in Eldritch. You are a fairly revolting old man, but in many ways you have far more integrity than just about anyone else in this dirty old, wicked old town. You’re trapped here just as they are, but they have caged you as an ‘animal’ not worthy of consideration as a human. They also revolt me I must say.
Yes you love the perverted side of watching, you’d run a mile from a bath, and your book learning is probably non-existent (or is it?), but your wisdom extends into knowledge that many do not have or chose not to see. There is a sense of beauty and caring about wild things (like you or you would like to be) about you. Maybe you let things run wild because you feel trapped? You do know a good person when you see one and you recognise the maimed, the confused and the bad. But of course they won’t listen to you. How frustrating that must be.
I’d like to buy you a bowl of soup on one of those cold nights, give you a blanket and a couple of dollars to spend where you like … maybe on some sassafrass tea at the general store. Maybe a bar of soap if you know how to use it.
Meantime, I will enjoy seeing you (I am a bit of a watcher myself) around the streets of Eldritch.
Sincerely
A Visitor
Matt,
Your thought on what you think acting is has brought tears to my eyes. Have a great show tonight : )
Final Reflection and Discussion
Rimers of Eldritch Project 2008
Matthew Walsh
Workshop:
(i) discuss the most valuable thing you have discovered about acting through participating in the Workshop Series
The most valuable thing about acting? Easy, take risks. That’s it, that is all it’s about. Whether it is imaging a city in front of you, or pushing another actor around the space, all of it is based upon the foundation of risk taking. Throughout this process i have struggled greatly, working hard all the time, doing extra work, making sure the production value is up to standard, and all this, is backed up by risk taking. See, with acting, you never know or understand anything in the moment. It is vague, too far to reach and sometimes beyond reality, because it is all in your head. This is something i felt with Robert when i wrote. “Everything was forgotten and i had to work entirely off impulse. Finally got towards the end and i felt something that i had NEVER felt before. It was the CHARACTER reacting to what was being said, NOT me. The character was about to burst into tears, NOT me, and the character was the one who suppressed it all with yelling and Baa’ing, NOT me” (18th of March).
What one person sees in their mind is not comparable to another person. “I know what i did today probably didn’t seem like much to anyone else” (18 th of March).
I have found for me, in times of hard trouble and turmoil within this process, that taking risks goes hand in hand with breaking down walls. You can push and push, you can throw all you have at it, but you never really know what is on the other side of that wall, and the only way to get there is to keep pushing. I swear with this process i must have hit at least five walls that seemed so difficult to overcome, but like anything, it takes just an ounce of courage, or encouragement to push through it all. Sometimes the walls that are created aren’t to do with acting at all, it could be insecurity, personal things, or what not. After working on my monologue and being told it wasn’t it, i felt horrible and said “I feel like i want to run away and feel what it feels like to be alone and scared and with no body, perhaps that will make me see how it feels to talk to myself like it is the usual thing. But i can’t, i have a girlfriend and an outside life. I haven’t experienced what skelly has, so that also makes things difficult for myself.” (25th of April)
Most of all, what stops process is lack of experience, i wasn’t Skelly, and i sure as hell hadn’t even experienced what it is like to be him. Although he was influenced by the different variety of workshops such as sense memory and emotional recall, ultimately he was a manifestation of things i have drawn upon through risks and playing. It doesn’t matter what workshops we do. I could do hundreds of workshops to get my emotional and mental state, as well as physical and vocal to get to the point where it is beyond any characteristic of my own. However, workshops are simply disguises in form of an exercise that actually give permission for the actor to play, to take risks, without feeling self conscious or insecure. So in the end, that is what i take for the most valuable discovery that i encountered from workshops, feeling like i have been given permission to let go and take risks.
Rehearsal
(i) Describe how you applied Stanislavski’s approach to acting throughout the process.
Given the character i was cast as and the extent of his personality, my approach to the Stanislavski’s approach was very much based around the Given Circumstances and the “Magic If”, governed by the foundation that imagery and sense memory offered. My first approach was initially to understand the character, so this included certain steps such as the Given Circumstances, the Super objectives and tactics, as well as the Magic if. I seemed to have alot of trouble solving this character, but using the steps seemed to clear a certain confusion up and laid it out on a structured table for me. My process requires me to look at most steps and try to engage them through character generation and progression. I believe i went through a strong progression of character choices, and changes; to name a few:
“His physicality and his voice are my problem. Well not so much the physicality, but the voice is difficult. The physiscality opens up so many oppurtunities with his personality. There are so many choices for him, so many things and events that have happened in his past that could become of him, and twist and deform, or simply try to hide away his body, or to stand like any man, not ashamed or feared by who he is and what he is faced with.” (24 th of March)
“Skelly is obviously, and suitably; an Archetype. He is the Hermit, the sheperd, the outcast, the forsaken.” (28 th of March)
“Another thing i discovered whilst working on the monologue, is that Skelly refer’s back to Glenna Ann (the love of his life) constantly to drown out the thoughts of how miserable the city is” (2nd of April)
These are clear indications of a progression of character understanding, through the application of a few steps that were used.
(ii) Explain what you know about using your body and voice in the Theatre space like the Arts Theatre
To use your body and voice in places like the Arts Theatre i find it to be quite a craft. Stagecraft is always important and requires adjustments of character physicality and vocal quality when entering the space from the rehearsal room. My understanding of this is split up in two catergories.
Physicality: As the Arts Theatre is designed as an ampitheatre it is imperative that the actor lifts their head to look at the lights, rather than keep their head at eye level. Also the use of engaging the entire audiences, with the theatres cone like structure people on the side may end up missing out on the action, it is important to engage them as well. Do not hide away from the audience, the Arts Theatre is designed to get up close to the audience, and you should not be scared of that, so use it, it is important that the audience neraly feel like they are there.
Vocality: In order for a punch to be effective you must aim at the back of the head, same goes for theatre spaces, aim to reach the furthest person away, and you will engage all audience members. Also when speaking upstage, heighten the voices quality, by either slowing it down or making it louder.
Production Week
(i) Discuss what is required from actors during production week
During Production week it is imperitive for all actors to be prepared, punctual, and endurable for the long process of bringing it all together. It is also a time for taking risks and going deeper into choices that will add a new dynamic to the work. I know myself i kept taking risks, and getting deeper and deeper, but i forgot one thing, it is more a time for preparation than going the hard yards. You have done all the work and one must trust that, however you should not push yourself too far, and make sure you warm up well. Like this post i did on a day with two dress rehearsals on.
“Recently i have been worried, after yesterdays rehearsal of TWO dress runs, i was scared that my voice was weakening, losing strength. I rested it all today, and warmed up only briefly, as i did not want to risk over warming up. However, as soon as i got past the eva skelly scene and into the Robert Skelly, i felt strength and power to to dwindle, i toned it down alot, dropping the whole horse-ness of his voice and kept it as close to mine as possible without losing its effect.” (7th of May)
(ii) How can actors use Production Week to consolidate their performance?
Like i previously stated Production Week is much more for the technical side and keeping things fluent and consistent. The work that you have done so far will show through as long as you are dedicated to communicating the story of your character. “that even though i wasn’t connected and was not in the moment so to speak, i could still perform an illusion of reality by simply portraying the work i had done previously.” (7th of May). However you should not stop there, it is still important to develop, take risks, and progress the deeper understanding of your characters storyline. The production week helps with this process as lighting, sound and visual effects are designed to compliment the actors work and add another dynamic. So in that sense it is important to make sure that one uses what is given to them, work off it, and develop their new risks around what is offered to them.
(iii) Discuss your approach to taking and using the Director’s notes
The way i went about taking notes from the directors was very important. I had in my mind what the character is, and they also had in mind their interpretation of the character. However this being a collaborative process, i felt it was necessary to compromise the character. I had done all the work, made the big decisions, the acting choices, and their direction was not to screw my process up but to refine, enhance and better what i’ve been doing with that character. Most directors understand that the actors interpretation is very important, however a level of selflessness is required to be able to “kill your babies” so to speak. If i really disagreed with a note directors gave, i would take it on, try it out, what harm can be done with that? However if it didn’t work, then it will be discarded.
It is also important to make sure you are safe. At one point i did not feel safe after working a scene, and as soon as it became that for me, the previous work for that was kept, but more internally, and alot more held back.
“Early on in the week i worked with Bernadette, we attempted to block the “baa” scene. I didn’t like it, it drew upon deep feelings, and was more method acting than acting i found.” (25th of April)
Performance Season
(i) Discuss your ability to trust your rehearsal process in performance
My ability to trust my rehearsal process in performance was due to the fact that i knew from previous rehearsals that the work i had done was all there. Even if i wasn’t connected, or even in the moment, the work i had done had the ability to translate the same message across to the audience as it would if i was connected.
“How is it that when you feel the worst you can, when you can’t connect as you normally do, when you are conscious of thoughts OTHER than that happening in the scene, that you can pull off the best performance so far?” (7th of May)
(ii) If you were to start this process again, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?
This process has really been quite amazing for me. I went from wanting Robert at first, and Josh secondly, and only shunned Skelly because i didn’t believe that i would get it with the amount of guys going for it. But i did get Skelly, and then i had some shoes to fill, so i worked very hard and did the best i could. I also worked on the publicity side of things, scoring what originally was 100 free posters and an A1 size banner. However due to time constraints i was only able to get the 100 free posters. I handed out i believe over 500 fliers overall, and created a facebook with the help of James Constantine. I had a team, and the team did work when i asked them to. I then, with the help of Jenna, in order to make the audience feel more at home, created a snack bar, where i believe we made around 100 dollars over all for that, and with donations we made near 900 dollars. So it was almost a grand in the end. I was happy with my performance and was very happy with the end result of the play.
The only thing i would change if i had the ability to do it over again, would be the certain people that i don’t work well with. In an environment where i am training to be a professional i want to work with professional people, i don’t want to work with people that can’t control what is acting and what isn’t acting, i also can’t work with people who don’t understand professional practice and arrive late, talk, laugh, whisper on stage and don’t even know their lines the night before the show. The difference between amateur and proffessional, is that amateurs practice till they can get it right, professionals practice till they can’t get it wrong. I pretty much said it all in this one post.
“This week has probably been one of the toughest weeks i have had in a great while. I have many things to discuss in this blog, some good, some bad, and some that might not have to be said. First of all, i am outraged that our class has got the reputation of being on of the worst ensembles EVER to come through USQ. It’s bloody rediculous, insanely humiliating and makes me feel like shit. I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing people complaining, and sooking about how USQ is so shit, and how we should all just leave. I really am tired of it because it is making everyone else get tainted by those comments, and begin to start bagging on USQ as well, and eventually causes a big cycle of the shit that was “Our Country’s Good”. That was a travesty, and i don’t want this to turn into a travesty, i know there are ALOT of us who do everything right, and try to uphold the professionality of the group. We are all aware that there are quite a few though, who don’t want to give a rats arse about this course and think it is okay to skip, constantly joke and make fun of our classes and course” (25th of April