Adele
ok, finally actually figured this out… thanks kate…
It’s been a wierd couple of days, good but strange, I have to say that this approach to doing a play has been very different to any I’ve had before, it really is all about discovering it as you go, slowly, slowly. We’re working with things that I know in the past I’ve thought of or heard about but never really used (using all the senses, etc.), which is great, I’m learning heaps. I think I’m a really smell orientated person, I was smelling the leaves of trees and I nearly cried because one smelt so… I don’t know what it smelt like but it must have been huge and beautiful or something. And it was interesting working on the Eva scene today because she talks about how autumn smells and I could sort of identify with that and start to feel the way i feel when I smell something beautiful like smoke or clipped grass, I don’t know, I understood that happiness at just how something smells, it was nice, to relate to a character like they were your friend. I was really shocked at how the audience reacted to the scene, that they thought Eva was bratty, it sort of hurt, that part of me that really felt her pain in that scene was going ‘no, you bastards, she’s just this poor girl, etc…’, I guess when you’re up in the space you’re not judging you’re just doing, but yeah it really shocked me. I’m looking forward to getting cast and getting into character work (as much as I’m enjoying this recap with extras, I’m learning alot I missed first time round), I really want to teach myself to be less intellectual and just to act (I don’t mean it in that ooooh, I’m acting, watch me prance’ sense, just in the ‘this is my action’ sense), that was a really huge revelation for me, it made alot of things really clear that weren’t before, and for the first time acting seems kind of clear to me, like this is what I have to learn how to do, it’s simple (it’s goddamn hard to put into practise, but it’s lifelong learning) but I feel like I kind of get it… I hope…
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Great. You know I’m not surprised that you felt a bit shocked, maybe even hurt when the audience felt that way. You have to really love your character to play her properly … that’s what work on a role is about in a way … getting to love your ‘other self’ the character.
I’m happy you’re enjoying the recap. As Hornby says you just have to keep learning the same things over and over and over!
week two, also interesting for different reasons…
I have to say I really enjoyed getting up yesterday and actually working scenes, because we havent been cast yet we haven’t really had much opportunity to do this. It sounds like wank, but seeing how the scene progressed over the forty minutes was really interesting (with Bernadette’s help). Libby and I worked on the Evelyn and Eva scene and found alot of different stuff and alot of action and emotion that layered in, almost conflicting actions and emotions, it was really fascinating because I never really read that much into the scene before I did all that work, it seemed kind of nothing, but really the stuff thats going on is huge. I guess there’s only so much you can look at something intellectually, you’ll always find so much more getting up and doing it. And I really realised how complicated Eva is, but also how simple, how simple her hopes are. Working with the limp and back thing was uncomfortable, I never really settled into it because it felt kind of wrong, I guess because it was so far physically from me qand i was making uneducated judgements and I had 40 minutes, but I was really uncomfortable and felt like I was lying with it, which wasn’t nice at all.
So yeah, I’ve been enjoying the practical alot more than the conceptual, I guess I’m learning to love the doing rather than the talking. I found it difficult to articulate the resons why I wanted to play certain characters in Monday’s class with Kate, all I could think is that they’re so far and then so close to me at the same time and I love them already and they fascinate me. Losing brain cells by the minute. I guess I just cant justify certain feelings I have towards certain characters, they just are, like how you like some people and don’t like others.
Anyway… rambling…
Sorry it’s been so long between posts, you know, IHTD, life…
The last couple of days have been really interesting, putting the scenes into the space and playing with them. It’s been fun, and its also kind of relieving to see some of the really beautiful things in the Cora and Walter scenes, because the play ends so sadly for her. I mean, in one way its sadder that they kind of are in love, they have lots of fun together and really are comfortable in each others presence, which is a really beautiful and rare thing, but it’s difficult to think that that fun wont last and of how devestated she is when he leaves her, and he really leaves her in the worst way, no note, doens’t take anything, no closure at all. I guess I’m a a little nervous about exploring that, how painful it will be, to be left once and to let someone else in only for them to leave you too. It’s awful, but necessary, and I’m as excited as I am nervous.
It’s nice as well to start seeing Cora as a friend, I really like her as a person, I think if she was real and I met her I’d really like her, which is a nice feeling. I see alot of similarities between her and my mother (good ones), I’m thinking I’ll do a body mask of her to age me and slow down my rhythms, but I’ll tailor it to the character of Cora especially. More on this to come…
So yeah, I’m enjoying it alot, making discoveries (especially how much she loves him, how much fun this is to wake up every morning and just love them and love thier company and be excited about every day…) and I’m looking forward to doing lots of work on the holidays to get ready for rehearsals next term, this body mask and all the subtext work especially. And GA. Lots on GA.
Thursday, 17th April
I’ve been saving alot of this up for a while, it’s been a big (but actually small) break, I keep thinking I’ll blog what I find, and then I think ‘I’ll just do a bit more work’. Something that really hit me was the Skelly/Cora relationship, I hadn’t really thought much about it, but when I did I realised just how huge and important to the story it is. Cora, as I see it, has two roles in the play: to be a half of the Cora/Walter relationship, then to be the one who stands up for Skelly (and the truth) during the trial. I had really only done work on the Cora/Walter part, so working on the Skelly part was really interesting. It hit me one night just how sad it must be to see someone who you like and have some connection to, who everyone else treats terribly, killed and indicted as a rapist, and they have no idea what he was really like, just because he was different and they didn’t understand him. He was given no dignity in his life, so he at least deserves some in his death, which is what spurs Cora, I think. No one else knew him, I have to do this for him, I have to restore his name. He’s also the only one in town who she indentifies with at all. I guess it’s the equivalent of being friends with a homeless man and then finding out that something terrible happened and they assumed it was him that did it because he’s a ‘bum’, that’s the way I see it anyway. I keep thinking about where and how they would have buried him, away from the cemetary, in some field somewhere, p on a hill away from the town, unmarked grave. And I can just see Cora going and laying wildflowers on it. I think it’s that feeling of ‘this is my responsibility, I can’t just let this lie’ and then after she sees Eva and realises that there really is something wrong, that spurs her even more. And it’s interesting, in the courtroom scenes, Cora tends to speak right after Eva has had a big outburst (like running to her mother or screaming or something). I really think that’s also Cora’s empathy for Eva, the guilt of lying before God about what’s happened must be terrible and it obviously causes her so much pain, Cora wants to free her of that as well, no one deserves that guilt or pain. And then there’s that added frustration that she doesn’t actually know what happened, only Eva and Robert and Skelly know, Skelly’s dead, Robert’s so stuck to his story, Eva looks so close to cracking that Cora has to try with her, she’s the only one who will ever tell the truth. And after these oubursts, I think that’s Cora thinking ‘this is where she’s closest, maybe she’ll tell this time’, there’s no sadism in it, she really doesn’t want to cause Eva any pain, if anything telling the truth will free her. Working on this part was interesting and really shed lots of light on Cora’s character, how honourable she is, how loyal to Skelly and how much empathy she has for Eva. She’s a really kind person, really non-judgemental, I’d like to have someone like Cora stick up for me.
In doing this work, I think physicality’s become alot easier for me, the text is slower so that’s forcing me to slow down, the more work I do on it, the more I will get the right tempo. I’m also finding I’m dropping my voice down lower (have to do some work so it doesn’t drop down into my throat too much), which I feel is aging me more as well. I was going to do a body mask of my mother, but I don’t think she’s right for it, so i’m going to go into the city on Saturday and just watch women in thier mid-late 30’s, just the typical rhythms. Something that’s also been coming up a bit is that Cora would have to do everything in the cafe, all the heavy lifting, all the ‘men’s work’, driving into Centreville, etc, that would toughen you up a fair bit. And I can’t shake this idea that Cora would wear pants, I’m not really sure where it comes from, I feel like she spends most of her day around men (the truckers), does all the work alone (Skally would help her with some sometimes), I kind of get the feeling that she would maybe see herself as not all that feminine anymore, especially if she thinks her chances for romance are over. I see her as pretty hardened too, your husband leaves you, you run a cafe by yourself for seven years, that toughens you up alot, especially for a women in the 60’s. I think the hardened quite-masculine Cora (it’s a terrible way of putting it, but it’s the only was I can articulate it at the moment) is a choice I need to play with on the floor, in the first scene where she first meets Walter in the cafe, that’s what we have to compare to the happy-in-love Cora, so that change from the hardened and ‘masculine’ to loving and ‘feminine’ (i hate the way that sounds…gender roles…) could be very interesting. I can really see Cora throwing on a pair of heels when Walter’s around, or a brighter shade of lippy, I don’t know, I’m just thinking out loud. Ideas? I’m thinking I’m just going to make some choices and try them out, see how they go.
I’ve been doing some back-story work as well, thinking about her and her husband, what went on there. I was talking to my Mum, who’s from a small ex-gold mining town, just talking about Cora and how everyone in town treats her, and Mum was saying that she sounded like she was from out of town, orginally. And I was saying that she probably was, but she’d been in the town for a long time, probably 15 years, at least 10, so she’d be very much ingrained in the town, but Mum was just smiling and said ‘no, you’re not born in the town, you’re always from out of town’. I found that really interesting, it says alot about the way people treat her, the way they talk about her. I think I’m also going to rent ‘The Graduate’, it was released in 1967 (happy coincidence?) and I hope that will help me to understand the social climate of the time a bit better, especially in terms of the older woman/younger man relationship, then I can multiply it by about a thousand and then get the climate in Eldritch. I just need a bit of help getting my head around the way people thought in the 60’s, might talk to Mum a bit more.
I was doing some work last night, just some internal monologue over some scenes (just to get my thoughts and attitudes to the people and the scene in general, I also get really strong images, so that helps too) and I was working on the scene where Cora realises Walter is gone, and I was just talking and it came out of my mouth that, pretty much, Cora miscarried a baby with her husband. It cam completely out of left field and really surprised me, I’m not sure if it’s ‘right’ or applicable or what, but it does explain some things, like why her and her husband never had any kids, and maybe it was part of the reason why he left her, he wouldn’t be able to have a family with her. It wouldn’t be anything to milk, but it might be interesting just as something to keep in mind.
I’m really nervous about doing ‘Walter leaves Cora’ tomorrow, it’s so big and I’ve worked on it, but I know it needs lots more to get it to where it needs to be. So I’m nervous about trying it out having never done it on the floor before, it’ll be fine, I think…
I think that’s everything, what an epic post, I should space it out a bit more…
Saturday, 19th April
Running it yesterday, I thought my lines were better but hey…
It was strange coming into the play halfway through and having to try and pick up from where we’d been going, but it was really interesting sitting out and watching, I kind of saw the play the way an audience would see it, which I wouldn’t have done otherwise. Yesterday was really good for me, it was kind of just getting up on the floor with what I’d already done and see if it stuck and find out where my personal holes are. Some stuck, which was good and Ifelt more comfortable than I have in the past, and I’m more aware of what I need to work on. I know I’m quite an internal and small actor and in the intimate scenes (like the Cora/Eva scene, actually a lot of my scenes) I get quiet and small, like I’m acting just for me, which is selfish because there’s an audience there so I need to work on that, being comfortable for it to be bigger and more audible but still connected. That will be a big challenge but if I master it I’ll be a much better actor. I’m still aware that my rhythms are too fast, and I think I’m just struggling a bit with the age thing, but I’m going into the city today to do some watching of middle-aged women, just to see the way they carry thier weight and their rhythms and the way they talk, hopefully that will help. And I’m intending to do some more imaging, I know my images aren’t strong enough yet, so that will get some work too. And James and I are going to get together in somone’s kitchen and do the scenes, figure out where everything is and the close proximity that we’re in and the actions of cleaning up the cafe and all that, I think that will make it alot clearer.
So its going to be a big week, but it’ll be fun…
Tuesday, 22nd April
Had the most intense night last night, I was doing some imaging and internal monologue on Cora and everything that happens and it was just too much, it was too sad, especially Skelly being killed because it’s on top of everything else, she has no one there to comfort her, she’s utterly alone. And I actually fell on the floor, I was sobbing, it was horrible because she can’t do anything, she’s utterly powerless and I wanted to do something but I couldn’t and I got so angry that I threw a container of brownies on the ground (and then I felt stupid and cleaned it up). It shocked me because it was so sad, and it hurt so much and I know that I’m not there yet, like it all hasn’t completely registered yet, especially the stuff about Walter. The Skelly stuff has been easier to get for some reason, maybe it’s because I’ve never really had anyone really close to me die (my great-grandmother did, but we were prepared and it was different), so maybe that’s easier because it’s further from my experience. But the Walter stuff, I’m scared of it, I think because I know that feeling of abandonment well and I don’t want to tap into that because it’s really scary to feel it all again. I’m not sure how to tap into this, it’s there, last night my throat blocked up and I had physical pain in the middle of my torso, like it was knotting up, I just can’t let it out. Help!
The Skelly being killed thing is really dropping in for me, how unfair it is, that they killed him and they don’t care and they’d just dump him in a shallow grave in the middle of a field and not give a shit. And that he has no one to mourn over him, that his life would end and no one would cry for him, on the contrary people would be glad. It made me really angry and sad because I can’t do anything, I tried and failed. I’m happy that I’m getting that now, I’m looking forward to working it again having found more on that.
Did the Cora/Martha scene yesterday, and I’ve been working alot on my rhythms to slow them down and I felt like I was alot slower, older in that scene. It’s interesting how it’s a battle or wills, Martha wants the goss, Cora wants to leave with her lips sealed and dignity intact. And it’s hard for both, and Martha pulls out some really nasty ploys (about her husband), it’s still a bit too easy to talk about Walter though, I know I need to work on the Walter stuff more. James and I are meeting up tomorrow to work our scenes, so I’m sure that will help.
More on my rhythms, I’ve really realised how fast I talk and how much slower than me Cora needs to be. I followed a woman who was probably around forty in the Valley the other night, she walked so slowly, it really annoyed me. But she was very grounded, and I think that’s something I really need to bring to Cora, that groundedness that comes from experience. So I think I’m starting to get that, need to keep playing with it in the space.
In other news, I have the perfect Cora dress, but it’s cream and it’s polyester (so it won’t dye). Any ideas? Nikko? Fabric paint? (All tacky and awful and will dye my skin black but I’m desperate…)
Hmmm not the best person to ask about dyeing a dress. Let’s have a look at it first.
You are clearly tapping in to the psychic energy of Cora and experiencing empathetically and powerfully what is happening to her. What you need to do right now so you (the actor) are not knotted up and blocked is to ‘reproduce’ the patterns of this experience in the given circumstances of the play. What happens to Cora outside the onstage demonstration of her part in the narrative is interesting for the actor and may contribute to characterisation, but inevitably, if this work leads to ‘blocking’ then it is not useful and could in fact be destructive of the creative performance process.
I suggest you work more on the method of external actions (Stanislavski’s more advanced approach) through body masking, with a careful shaping of tempo-rhythm and energy discovered during your prep.
Saturday 26th April
After the run yesterday I feel like I know what I need to work on, what I still have to do to get it to where it needs to be in performance. I’ve done alot of work by myself connecting to Cora’s subtext and journey throughout the play, and I feel like that’s pretty strong and it’s just bringing that to the performance that I need to work on now. And I think the reason it’s not translating is that I haven’t done enough work on the floor on my actions and what I’m trying to acheive in my scene, I know what my objectives are, I’m just not playing them as strongly as I should be. I’m really looking forward to working with Kate on the Cora/Walter scenes, I feel like alot is lacking in them and they’re important for the story so they have to be strong and clear for the audience. I’m thinking of getting together with James and working all the scenes and really working our actions and nutting out what we’re physically trying to do, rather than all the subtext work which needs to be there, but without obectives, the scene is nothing. So I’m glad I’ve come to that realisation, and in running it and playing with it I’ll be able to work more on the physical characterisation of Cora in the space, which I need to do as well.
I feel like this week has been really good for me because now I know what I need to do to get where I need to be for performance. I’m going to start wearing the shoes and the apron too, see if that helps… I’m excited about this, and I feel good about how I’m going, I’ve never connected so strongly to a character before. In first year, I played a woman in her late-thirties and I just couldn’t understand my characters fear of never having kids, or dying alone or the feeling that you wasted your life, but I get that now, it just took me another year of acting training and life to figure that out. So that’s a little personal acheivement for me and it’s spurring me to really make this the best I can, learn the most I can.
So I’m looking forward to getting stuck into these objectives tomorrow, taking some risks (which I haven’t been doing enough in the space), you know, fun….
Also having Ashlee as the other Cora is great, we talked character in the car last night, it helps so much to have someone to bounce ideas off and just vent about character stuff to…
Adele. Good you’re feeling ready to fly with Cora. Interesting for you playing Walter yesterday .. there is an old North American indian saying that if you want to know your enemy, step into his mocassins. I think the same thing applies to scene partners; they are not enemies, but stepping into their mocassins helps you get their perspective, which can only enrich your own.
Monday, 28th April
In the library, after our very intense run and talk and I’m so glad we had it. I have never felt this excited about any acting work I’ve done here, I’ve cared but not enough. This is what I feel like I needed in first year, to be told that I need to be more professional and have my lines down and I have no one to blame except myself. I haven’t workd hard enough, I don’t know my cues, it is hard but I should know it. There’s no excuse. I’m really glad I realised this today, I blame other people for my problems too much, and now I’m talking accountability for what’s in my control. Which is good.
Apart from how all over the place the run was today, I actually felt pretty good about my bits, after working them on Sunday, I feel like I know what I’m doing in my scenes now, where I didn’t before. I feel like I have something to really work with here, it’s getting to that point where it could be really good (hopefully). The ‘Did you go into town?’ scene was nice, I really felt like Cora, I really felt that age and maturity and connection, I guess, to Walter. I’ve never had that before so that was good, fun.
But my cues are bad, they need work. And standing still for ages, that too. And standing so your back doesn’t hurt, how do you do that? And my images need to be stronger for the car monologue. And my objectives all round. This week I just want to work all my scenes, have a play, get my objectives strong, if I fix all that I will be happy…
It’s the work that matters. You know this.
Yes, your scenes are coming along really well. What you need to focus on now is your stagecraft … make the audience look and listen to Cora.
Wednesday, 30th April
After yesterdays run, I feel really usure and confused. I feel like it’s all there but it’s not coming out in the scenes, I’m bored, I’m bored in the scenes. And I’m also unconfident, especially in the Act 1 scenes, it’s not fun anymore. I think that’s what’s missing, the fun in it, the enjoying the sexual stuff and having my heart broken and being shouted down and looking forward to all of that and enjoying it as it’s happening, I’m getting too caught up in it being ‘right’ and not enough in it just being what it needs to be. So last night I plotted out where I need to be at all times for both characters, and I’m going to walk through it on the floor a couple of times today to get it down. I think I’m also unconfident and confused because I don’t know where I need to be so I can’t settle into it. Today is just going to be fun, just going to play with it, maybe do some different things, throw it around, take some bigger risks than I am, raise the stakes (I think this is what isn’t working in my scenes, especially the ‘You seem uneasy? one’, what do you think Kate?), I’m not quite sure how to do that, I’m just feeling very comfortable in my scenes and I don’t like it, boring comfortable, so I need to change it up I think.
Wednesday, 30th April
Just went over one of your old comments Kate: I just need to play my actions and have fun with it, I’m blocked (as you said) because I’ve done too much of the sad work so I’m nervous of it, because I found it all at home and now I want to put it in and for it to be huge and amazing, but you can’t just put it in, it has to come. So today I’m going to get up there and let everything go, do a big warm-up, do some GA and have fun. And have no preconeived ideas of how it has to be.
You know you are going to get sick of this note, but here I go again! Watch, listen to your scene partners and react in THAT MOMENT. Don’t plan anything except to be open and reactive. Work off your head and your heart and give 100%
It’s been way too long between posts, I haven’t been able to get near a computer. I’m feeling pretty good about the whole process, I’m enjoying running the show, playing with costumes, and I’m just enjoying playing Cora, I feel like I really get her, I’ve never felt like that with a character before. the run on Friday felt the best, it felt really easy, like everything came just easily (except for the ‘oh gods’), I really liked that run. I’m getting a bit bored of it now I think, I feel like I hit my peak and now I’m bored of just running it, I’m ready for an audience I think. I did some work on the ‘oh gods’ yesterday, just some vowelling, but I found even more in them, so I’m happy with that and want to play with it tonight. My ‘oh gods’ were better on Sunday, I tried it a bit differently that day, with her starting off looking for Walter almost like it’s a game, happily, like I can’t wait to see him. That was interesting, I found different stuff in it, it’s still not there yet, but it’s better than it was. The emotional stuff is still effecting me, I don’t know when that will stop, just angry in the mornings, then sad, no drive to do anything, I could sit around all day I swear. the runs tonight should be fun, it’s my last run before we go up, so I’m just going to have fun with it.
Further to the notes of last night re your frustration, I do think refreshing is the key right now to getting back the acting mojo. It can happen that a performance gets stale after several runs without the stimulation of an audience and its reaction to your work. You’ll find this will happen when they’re out there, but for now, give yourself a couple of little tweaks in terms of energy levels, refocus and imaging to assist. She’s getting much better in the vocal area, but don’t drop back at all from the levels you hit last night.
So it’s the last post before we go into performance, and I’m nervous, but I’m hoping that it’s just because everyone I care about is coming tonight and I want it to work. I guess I don’t really have anything to say, I just want to put it out there cosmically that it will be great and everything will work out and we’ll all do a great show. I’ve never really done anything I’m really proud of, so I want this to be it. But if it’s shit, it’s not the end of the world. Talking shit… I’m sure it will be interesting, no matter what…
So it’s the last post before we go into performance, and I’m nervous, but I’m hoping that it’s just because everyone I care about is coming tonight and I want it to work. I guess I don’t really have anything to say, I just want to put it out there cosmically that it will be great and everything will work out and we’ll all do a great show. I’ve never really done anything I’m really proud of, so I want this to be it. But if it’s shit, it’s not the end of the world. Talking shit… I’m sure it will be interesting, no matter what…
And I’m trying out new stuff with the ‘oh gods’, I’m going to work myself into them, I have the time backstage I may as well take advantage of it… make it more like a rehearsal and less like performance, except for the audience…
Go for it!