Workshop:
(i) discuss the most valuable thing you have discovered about acting through participating in the Workshop Series

The most valuable thing about acting? Easy, take risks. That’s it, that is all it’s about. Whether it is imaging a city in front of you, or pushing another actor around the space, all of it is based upon the foundation of risk taking. Throughout this process i have struggled greatly, working hard all the time, doing extra work, making sure the production value is up to standard, and all this, is backed up by risk taking. See, with acting, you never know or understand anything in the moment. It is vague, too far to reach and sometimes beyond reality, because it is all in your head. This is something i felt with Robert when i wrote. “Everything was forgotten and i had to work entirely off impulse. Finally got towards the end and i felt something that i had NEVER felt before. It was the CHARACTER reacting to what was being said, NOT me. The character was about to burst into tears, NOT me, and the character was the one who suppressed it all with yelling and Baa’ing, NOT me” (18th of March).
What one person sees in their mind is not comparable to another person. “I know what i did today probably didn’t seem like much to anyone else” (18 th of March).
I have found for me, in times of hard trouble and turmoil within this process, that taking risks goes hand in hand with breaking down walls. You can push and push, you can throw all you have at it, but you never really know what is on the other side of that wall, and the only way to get there is to keep pushing. I swear with this process i must have hit at least five walls that seemed so difficult to overcome, but like anything, it takes just an ounce of courage, or encouragement to push through it all. Sometimes the walls that are created aren’t to do with acting at all, it could be insecurity, personal things, or what not. After working on my monologue and being told it wasn’t it, i felt horrible and said “I feel like i want to run away and feel what it feels like to be alone and scared and with no body, perhaps that will make me see how it feels to talk to myself like it is the usual thing. But i can’t, i have a girlfriend and an outside life. I haven’t experienced what skelly has, so that also makes things difficult for myself.” (25th of April)
Most of all, what stops process is lack of experience, i wasn’t Skelly, and i sure as hell hadn’t even experienced what it is like to be him. Although he was influenced by the different variety of workshops such as sense memory and emotional recall, ultimately he was a manifestation of things i have drawn upon through risks and playing. It doesn’t matter what workshops we do. I could do hundreds of workshops to get my emotional and mental state, as well as physical and vocal to get to the point where it is beyond any characteristic of my own. However, workshops are simply disguises in form of an exercise that actually give permission for the actor to play, to take risks, without feeling self conscious or insecure. So in the end, that is what i take for the most valuable discovery that i encountered from workshops, feeling like i have been given permission to let go and take risks.

Rehearsal
(i) Describe how you applied Stanislavski’s approach to acting throughout the process.

Given the character i was cast as and the extent of his personality, my approach to the Stanislavski’s approach was very much based around the Given Circumstances and the “Magic If”, governed by the foundation that imagery and sense memory offered. My first approach was initially to understand the character, so this included certain steps such as the Given Circumstances, the Super objectives and tactics, as well as the Magic if. I seemed to have alot of trouble solving this character, but using the steps seemed to clear a certain confusion up and laid it out on a structured table for me. My process requires me to look at most steps and try to engage them through character generation and progression. I believe i went through a strong progression of character choices, and changes; to name a few:

“His physicality and his voice are my problem. Well not so much the physicality, but the voice is difficult. The physiscality opens up so many oppurtunities with his personality. There are so many choices for him, so many things and events that have happened in his past that could become of him, and twist and deform, or simply try to hide away his body, or to stand like any man, not ashamed or feared by who he is and what he is faced with.” (24 th of March)
“Skelly is obviously, and suitably; an Archetype. He is the Hermit, the sheperd, the outcast, the forsaken.” (28 th of March)
“Another thing i discovered whilst working on the monologue, is that Skelly refer’s back to Glenna Ann (the love of his life) constantly to drown out the thoughts of how miserable the city is” (2nd of April)

These are clear indications of a progression of character understanding, through the application of a few steps that were used.

(ii) Explain what you know about using your body and voice in the Theatre space like the Arts Theatre

To use your body and voice in places like the Arts Theatre i find it to be quite a craft. Stagecraft is always important and requires adjustments of character physicality and vocal quality when entering the space from the rehearsal room. My understanding of this is split up in two catergories.

Physicality: As the Arts Theatre is designed as an ampitheatre it is imperative that the actor lifts their head to look at the lights, rather than keep their head at eye level. Also the use of engaging the entire audiences, with the theatres cone like structure people on the side may end up missing out on the action, it is important to engage them as well. Do not hide away from the audience, the Arts Theatre is designed to get up close to the audience, and you should not be scared of that, so use it, it is important that the audience neraly feel like they are there.

Vocality: In order for a punch to be effective you must aim at the back of the head, same goes for theatre spaces, aim to reach the furthest person away, and you will engage all audience members. Also when speaking upstage, heighten the voices quality, by either slowing it down or making it louder.

Production Week
(i) Discuss what is required from actors during production week

During Production week it is imperitive for all actors to be prepared, punctual, and endurable for the long process of bringing it all together. It is also a time for taking risks and going deeper into choices that will add a new dynamic to the work. I know myself i kept taking risks, and getting deeper and deeper, but i forgot one thing, it is more a time for preparation than going the hard yards. You have done all the work and one must trust that, however you should not push yourself too far, and make sure you warm up well. Like this post i did on a day with two dress rehearsals on.
“Recently i have been worried, after yesterdays rehearsal of TWO dress runs, i was scared that my voice was weakening, losing strength. I rested it all today, and warmed up only briefly, as i did not want to risk over warming up. However, as soon as i got past the eva skelly scene and into the Robert Skelly, i felt strength and power to to dwindle, i toned it down alot, dropping the whole horse-ness of his voice and kept it as close to mine as possible without losing its effect.” (7th of May)
(ii) How can actors use Production Week to consolidate their performance?

Like i previously stated Production Week is much more for the technical side and keeping things fluent and consistent. The work that you have done so far will show through as long as you are dedicated to communicating the story of your character. “that even though i wasn’t connected and was not in the moment so to speak, i could still perform an illusion of reality by simply portraying the work i had done previously.” (7th of May). However you should not stop there, it is still important to develop, take risks, and progress the deeper understanding of your characters storyline. The production week helps with this process as lighting, sound and visual effects are designed to compliment the actors work and add another dynamic. So in that sense it is important to make sure that one uses what is given to them, work off it, and develop their new risks around what is offered to them.

(iii) Discuss your approach to taking and using the Director’s notes

The way i went about taking notes from the directors was very important. I had in my mind what the character is, and they also had in mind their interpretation of the character. However this being a collaborative process, i felt it was necessary to compromise the character. I had done all the work, made the big decisions, the acting choices, and their direction was not to screw my process up but to refine, enhance and better what i’ve been doing with that character. Most directors understand that the actors interpretation is very important, however a level of selflessness is required to be able to “kill your babies” so to speak. If i really disagreed with a note directors gave, i would take it on, try it out, what harm can be done with that? However if it didn’t work, then it will be discarded.

It is also important to make sure you are safe. At one point i did not feel safe after working a scene, and as soon as it became that for me, the previous work for that was kept, but more internally, and alot more held back.

“Early on in the week i worked with Bernadette, we attempted to block the “baa” scene. I didn’t like it, it drew upon deep feelings, and was more method acting than acting i found.” (25th of April)

Performance Season
(i) Discuss your ability to trust your rehearsal process in performance

My ability to trust my rehearsal process in performance was due to the fact that i knew from previous rehearsals that the work i had done was all there. Even if i wasn’t connected, or even in the moment, the work i had done had the ability to translate the same message across to the audience as it would if i was connected.

“How is it that when you feel the worst you can, when you can’t connect as you normally do, when you are conscious of thoughts OTHER than that happening in the scene, that you can pull off the best performance so far?” (7th of May)

(ii) If you were to start this process again, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

This process has really been quite amazing for me. I went from wanting Robert at first, and Josh secondly, and only shunned Skelly because i didn’t believe that i would get it with the amount of guys going for it. But i did get Skelly, and then i had some shoes to fill, so i worked very hard and did the best i could. I also worked on the publicity side of things, scoring what originally was 100 free posters and an A1 size banner. However due to time constraints i was only able to get the 100 free posters. I handed out i believe over 500 fliers overall, and created a facebook with the help of James Constantine. I had a team, and the team did work when i asked them to. I then, with the help of Jenna, in order to make the audience feel more at home, created a snack bar, where i believe we made around 100 dollars over all for that, and with donations we made near 900 dollars. So it was almost a grand in the end. I was happy with my performance and was very happy with the end result of the play.

The only thing i would change if i had the ability to do it over again, would be the certain people that i don’t work well with. In an environment where i am training to be a professional i want to work with professional people, i don’t want to work with people that can’t control what is acting and what isn’t acting, i also can’t work with people who don’t understand professional practice and arrive late, talk, laugh, whisper on stage and don’t even know their lines the night before the show. The difference between amateur and proffessional, is that amateurs practice till they can get it right, professionals practice till they can’t get it wrong. I pretty much said it all in this one post.

“This week has probably been one of the toughest weeks i have had in a great while. I have many things to discuss in this blog, some good, some bad, and some that might not have to be said. First of all, i am outraged that our class has got the reputation of being on of the worst ensembles EVER to come through USQ. It’s bloody rediculous, insanely humiliating and makes me feel like shit. I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing people complaining, and sooking about how USQ is so shit, and how we should all just leave. I really am tired of it because it is making everyone else get tainted by those comments, and begin to start bagging on USQ as well, and eventually causes a big cycle of the shit that was “Our Country’s Good”. That was a travesty, and i don’t want this to turn into a travesty, i know there are ALOT of us who do everything right, and try to uphold the professionality of the group. We are all aware that there are quite a few though, who don’t want to give a rats arse about this course and think it is okay to skip, constantly joke and make fun of our classes and course” (25th of April

Workshops:
(i) Discuss the most valuable thing you have discovered about acting by participating in the workshop series.
In reflection it is difficult to select one aspect which I learned that was far more valuable than the rest. Reviewing my blogs and the growth the workshops provided has shown me that the most valued experience has been one involving personal process, particularly with relation to characterization. I have learnt that a character can begin and form from your imagination just as strongly as it can from personal experience or knowledge. I have always looked for the similarities between myself and a character and Evelyn showed me that what I need to focus on is the differences. Evelyn was created entirely from my imagination, whereas other characters have been an imitation or a version of me. Much of this characterization was also born from the voice – an element I rarely address until the final touches. Essentially the Rimers experience has developed my personal character process, shaping to my needs. New methods such as attending the Baptist church and immersing myself in her world seemed to create her subconsciously bit by bit – “At 8:30 this morning I stepped into Laidley Baptist church in aim of stepping a little closer into the life of Evelyn Jackson. This was not only the first time I had ever been to a Baptist church, but the first time I had been to any church.”

“She held her hands clasped the whole time and nodded or shook her head in reaction to the preacher. With tight but soft lips I watched her turn and speak to her sons. Her energy seemed very sustained but with a fair amount of effort, and very internal.” Although this woman shaped certain physical elements of Evelyn, the rest came slowly over time.

There are so many elements I could discuss here, and I recognize that ‘growth of personal acting process’, is a broad factor to highlight, and within the topic lies such things as learning to trust my decisions, recognizing my own tempo and consciously adapting it to the character, BREATH SUPPORT, etc. But I can’t spend all my time on this section, so moving on.

Rehearsal
(i) Describe how you applied Stanislavski’s approach to acting throughout the rehearsal period.
The Stanislavski approach was incorporated significantly throughout the rehearsal period, both as a company and personally, for I understand the process and I feel it is a launching pad. Various approaches/methods included:
• immersing myself within the Church/religious culture and using the magic ‘if’
• Imaging the text, the situations and her life.
• visiting country towns
• conducting research into the area and era
• Technical text analysis/scoring – beats, thought changes, etc.
• Analysing the text intellectually – Given circumstances, throughline, objectives etc – “could spend hours and hours exhausting my brain with picking it apart and discovering alternate meanings and subtext.”
• Recognizing the importance of listening and observing my scene partners and working on relationships - 18th April: “I need to do many more rehearsals one on one with Eva and also Wilma and Martha, as these are the ones closest to me, yet at the moment they feel like strangers.”
25th April: “I worked really hard on the relationships with other characters, especially Eva, over the past week, and today it felt like everything clicked into place. Even my how I react physically towards Eva has become much more natural.”
“My daughter’s pain seemed to affect me greater than my own…and I think that might just be a taste of what it’s like to be a mother.”
• Expressing emotion and psychological state through physical action – after all, it doesn’t matter how much is going on internally, it’s only the external the audience sees – a valued lesson I am discovering more about with every experience.
• Constructing a past for Evelyn, a complete back story. This I found was so vital to understanding everything – character, situation, relationships.
• Adapting personal tempo rhythms and external physicality + voice (as discussed above)
• Endowing my hands and gloves, and even Eva with my emotional quality
• Finally trusting the work and letting it all come together - Fri, 25th April: I feel Evelyn inside me when I drop into her - she has, in a sense, becoming automatic. More than anything I have discovered how to listen to the characters and scene around me, and also the play as a whole. Listening to the act today as Evelyn I felt every moment more strongly than ever before.

(ii) Explain what you know about using your voice and body in a theatre space like the Arts Theatre.

Similar to any theatre the prime objective of being heard does not always coexist with realism. However, with a few adjustments and clear resonation the believability of a performance can be just as strong and the audience can hear it! The structure of the Arts Theatre demands heads to be raised to the back chairs, for lighting sake as well as clarity. The space has good sound quality if used correctly by the entire cast. If the whole cast raises their volume then the quieter scenes will contrast well, maintaining believability. Back acting must be counted by a slower, clearer and louder voice as the audience cannot see the words being formed and must rely fully on audibility. A short workshop with Kate one morning provided me with a great insight into what I personally had to adjust in order to be heard over the singing congregation. The problem lay within pitch – increasing to get louder and breath support. By working a range of exercises both problems were solved by performance day. 6th May: “I understand that for adequate breath support to become one of my skills I must work until it is automatic. I now have a new approach, which has shifted my focus from my stomach to my back, and in just one hour today I noticed a leap forward in how supported I feel.”
Such aspects that I learnt that day will continue to improve as I work them – i.e. Breath support in my back.

Production Week
(i) Discuss what is required of actors during production week.
Patience and Focus. Many other aspects are important which apply to any other day, such as, punctuality, readiness to work, lines down, cues down, etc. But above all patience and focus are two requirements that go hand-in-hand. Technical rehearsals are an imperative part of the process and although the play at that time may feel mechanical and inorganic all the elements must come together. Actors must be focused always to be on cues for lighting and sound as well as ensuring the overall atmosphere of the play is being constructed before the directors’ eyes.
(ii) How can actors use Production Week to consolidate their performance?
The greatest benefit of prod week is the opportunity it provides for actors to get to know the performance space, the workings of the theatre and also cement their cues in. Prod week was largely beneficial for drilling and fully understanding the journey and structure of the play as a whole. 2nd May: “I saw this time as a chance to cement in my own cues and those of the entire cast, as well as the structure of the performance. In many ways prod week has proved vital, especially with regards to getting to know the space, and just how high you can step up in heels and a pencil skirt. Being focused on stage for such an amount of time also allowed me to explore Evelyn within the space, placing my images around the set and looking at the people of Eldritch through her eyes.”
“Some tech elements I really enjoy to, like ‘finding the light’, that feeling of stepping, searching, and then bam! You feel the heat on your face and the light in your eyes and you know that everyone in those seats in front of you is looking at you.”
(iii) Discuss your approach to taking and using the directors’ notes.
I personally understood, if not expected many of the notes I received, if not I made sure I asked questions until I did understand. I learnt not to be defensive about getting notes, take everything on board, and not to stress if no notes were given. Some technical notes were easily fixed, character ones would require mulling and sleeping on and then incorporating either change or refreshing experimentation into my next rehearsals.

Performance Season
(i) Discuss your ability to trust your rehearsal process in performance.
Initially, my ability to trust myself and my work was very difficult and limited. For quite a while I was stuck in the mind set that “I always have to do more work!” Working with Kate that morning made me realize that as long as I keep beating myself up I’m never going to improve, especially not for myself. 6th May: “I am trying to change my thoughts to create confidence and positivity to push me higher and further, when I have always used self-dissatisfaction to motivate me…it’s hard to get rid of the little “voice” (quote Kate) that tells me it’s not good enough. But I am determined, I am a determined woman! lol maybe Evelyn IS starting to have an effect on me”
By the time I stepped onto that stage on Thursday night all thought of process had gone and it was just there, bubbling inside me. I couldn’t do anything more, and I knew she was ready.
8th May: “She has come so far, and I’m proud of her.”

(ii) If you were to start this project over again knowing what you do now, what you will do differently? In other words, clarify how you will approach the next production project on which you are engaged as an actor.
Firstly, I would utilize some new ways to learn lines and have that as my combined focus with research, as my first priority – once lines are down then the exploration happens. I will also address the vocal quality of my character a lot earlier in the process, as Rimers showed me just how much voice can transform a character. I will trust myself and my decisions more, hopefully decreasing self doubt and increasing creative confidence. In the future I intend to analyze relationships and continue to discover the wonderful, selfless art of ‘listening’ to my scene partner. Otherwise, there is not much else I would change about my process or how I, personally, conducted my acting. As a company, which I recognize I am a part of, we have a lot to learn about working together, listening to one another and general team work ethic. That is the most significant aspect I wish I could change, but we need to want to change it as a group. One person can only make a certain impact. The one element I will aim to improve with regards to this issue is communication – honest, constructive (not destructive) communication.

Wow - opening night has come and gone!! And i am feeling pretty proud of it. I was really nervous. I was actually suprised at how nervous I was - i think it was because of the contriversy with our class regarding everything with The Rimers of Eldridge. I was just really hoping that our directors (and audience) thought - ya know what - you bloody pulled it of and we are proud!! And i think they were.

So here i was before we went on and i was still so nervous - so i said to myself - you know what - I KNOW THIS - I KNOW Patsy, I KNOW the story of Rimers and I KNOW what the audience needs out of every scene. So get over your nerves and go tell the story of the Rimers of Eldridge. Its at this point where you just have to trust your process and just take in every direction and notes that the directors have given you and go out there and do it. Listen to your partner in the scenes - act react and well..enjoy it!!!

We had a great (generous) audience for opening night. I felt like the story became alive again for me instead of being routine. Things became new again because it was new to the audience and it was exciting. When the audience were laughing or gasping at points in the play - i thought to myself - oh yeah you know what - that really IS funny ..or yeah that line really IS gasp worthing. It was excited for the Rimers of Eldridge to become new to us again and i think an audience is what we really needed to give us that extra boost.

I think we also all felt like F**k it- lets just do it, see how far we can take things and it was great. Thats what its all about. I think once you just let go of everything thats in your head and just say F**k it - it really works.

I was pretty happy with my performance although of course it wasnt perfect. There was things that i didnt like and that i knew i did wrong but i know that i have three more performances to fix it and even experiement more. Thats when Kate’s voice came in and said “you can never be perfect” and thats what i thought. You just live and learn.

There was a scene with Lena(Fiona) in which she slipped off the platform, just a little-nothing major and thats when i thought to myself - should I (Patsy) have reacted to that. Although not rehearsed because things happen and maybe Patsy would have laughed or something. But i did not have the impulse to because it was when i was on my big rant about Elridge and driver and ava. So i thought i was too busy in my own world to care or notice what Lena was doing. - she was just there to listen to me and agree.

I am really going to miss Patsy. A few of my peers have said they would not be missing their character and thats not unusual but i think i will be quite sad to let go of her. I just really hope i did her justice and that i potrayed her well. I know myself and i know when Sunday comes - i will be thinking dam it - i could have done this and this with that particular scene and i wish i had done this differently but hey what can you do. Live and learn.

And this process had defiantly been a BIG learning experience.

ems xoxoxo

It was a good send-off performance. Well done.